@nocoolnamejane wrote:
bra access card (open doors with a chest bump!)
OMG. Okay first if you're a spit-taker like me, better swallow any liquids before you read this.
I was dead tired last night when doing catch-up reading on this thread, in fact in the wee hours I woke up from a nightmare, finding myself still sitting in my recliner, woke my computer up and found an open page of a Community post (not this one, but another I was reading after this one). So anyway, what was the nightmare? --I had invented a device that strapped onto the chest and could stimulate lactation for any woman, even without a recent pregnancy and also collect the milk, and from there on, continued use would just keep it going infinitely, as happens with real lactation whether it be human, cow, whatever. Now I don't know if you've ever breastfed or even been pregnant, but if not I'll tell you, 'the girls' get HUGE, like at least one cup size bigger, maybe more. So in this dream, I figured I was going to get rich from this device, because women would buy it for bust enhancement!
I was talking about it with my Mom (who is long deceased in real life) and she was like, "Why would a woman do this every day just to have bigger boobs?" And I replied (paraphrasing) "Why would a woman pay crazy money, go through lots of pain, risk permanent bad results or even death, for surgery to get bigger boobs? I'm going to sell these machines for like a thousand bucks or something, way cheaper than surgery, and totally safe, reversible results!" (I had a point, did I not?).
We had that conversation while the machine was still in the "idea" phase, but then I created it immediately through the magic of dreaming. I tested it on myself and the problem I ran into was, what to do with the milk? That got me thinking, women who bought this device might even be able to sell their milk for babies (I've heard of that but never did any research, ha). But here I had this milk that I just produced, and true to dream form it was an insane amount; I had drained it into a gallon-sized Ziploc and it was almost full. I didn't want to waste it but didn't feel right about trying to sell it, so ..... I sh you not ..... I make a FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE ad, offering it for free! Right away I got a response from a lady who was so excited, said she needed it for her baby, so we agreed to meet somewhere (vague dream location). When I got there, it was actually a DUDE, and I immediately realized he had some pervy breastmilk kink, but it was worse than that, like he was going to kill me to keep his secret hidden. So I just took off running, or tried to, but I bet you know how THAT went (semi-paralyzed legs, like trying to run through wet cement). And that's when I snapped awake in my recliner.
Scoot back in time a bit, to when I read this reply of yours about bra storage. When I read it, I really struggled to understand what you meant about this ^ part. I thought you might be using "access card" and "open doors" in the metaphorical sense, like getting all kinds of things you want, with the advantage of either: larger boobs (sex appeal), or, being a breastfeeding mom (empathy appeal, like how some parking lots have 'New And Expecting Mothers' spaces close to the door like handicapped ones). And I thought to myself, about you, 'Okay, kinda T.M.I. but way to work the system I guess. You go girl!' LOL.
And why did I think allllll that, and why did I have that nightmare? Have you guessed yet? --Because when I read your words, my tiredass eyes read 'chest pump', not 'chest bump.' And I'm so glad I came back and reread, because now I totally get what you actually meant, I'm picturing you chest BUMPing the scanner at your door, kinda funny but not T.M.I. weird, and definitely 'You go girl!'
