Forwarding abusive messages to eBay admin

[jennifrance]

For 21 years I have had nothing less than 100% positive feedback but I recently sold a used iPod which had belonged to my late husband.  Cosmetically it looked in good condition apart from usual slight dings  from being in a car iPod dock.  I thought I had reset it back to factory settings but for some reason, although it appeared to have reset, it hadn't deleted off all the content.  I packaged it carefully, included a brand new leather case and sent it 1st class Tracked.  The buyer got back to me after receiving it claiming that it had a gap between the front and the rear of the iPod and sent me photos to show this.  I am fairly certain it was not like this when it was sent but can't prove it.  He also found that the hard drive had not completely cleared.  I have since cleared it using iTunes - not a difficult job even though I know very little about iPods.  I sent him my response which asked if someone else could have had access to it as it had been inspected when I sent it off and it appeared to be in good condition cosmetically.  However, I did say that as he wasn't satisfied I was happy to refund his money if he returned it to me.  In response, he sent me the most abusive and vitriolic response claiming I was trying to scam him, that I was playing games with him, that I had sold him the item under false pretences, etc - really nasty.  He has repeated these allegations on feedback which has reduced my feedback to 80% which has devastated me.  I don't sell much on eBay but if someone were to complain, I would immediately offer a refund for the return of the item.  This was his response to me offering him a refund

"Hi, nobody my end had access to the iPod. I find this insiniuation quite distasteful and a really disingenuous attempt to deflect responsibility. How dare you. Why would anyone want to prise the rear off anyway. Next you'll be blaming the courier. The box was not damaged either so good luck with that. And to send a copy to eBay to prove that you are not lying is again a disingenuous at best and sly at worst attempt to play the victim. What is clear is that you missed this or overlooked it. Don't play me for a fool. I'm too long in the tooth and can see through your games. The serial number on the rear does not match the serial number on the iPod itself. It has been replaced...badly. Disingenuously you took photos to hide the damage. Also you claim to have factory reset it, there are still 373 songs still on it, how is that factory reset? You claim to have done it twice, another fabrication, the hard drive is corrupt. You have tried to sell a non-working badly refurbished iPod for the maximum you thought you could get away. You will not be getting away with this."

What I want to know is how I report this to eBay admin - I know I can block him but want to have the unfair feedback removed.  The gap he photographed was easily remedied by simply clicking the front and rear together and this is now firmly in place.  A factory reset was carried out using iTunes and there is now 74gb available.  Wasn't a difficult job - even for ignorant me.  I know I can block him but he has affected my feedback so badly that I want to contest it.  So both his claims are untrue.  Any help would be gladly received as this has really upset me badly.  I am 71 and have never knowingly sold anything on eBay that was faulty or not as I have described.

[fbusoni]

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@jennifrance wrote:

Thanks for the advice on not accepting returns - I think this is an automatic thing when you list something - I will certainly look out for it if I post anything else and change it for anything that I think might be problematic or which I haven't been able to test myself.

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@jennifrance 

The setting to offer paid returns is one that will apply to all your listings.  At least that is how it works here in the USA.

Happy to answer any questions if you want to follow up.

[jennifrance]

Thank you to everyone that helped.  You were all supportive and gave a lot of good advice.  I have replied to his negative and not very nice feedback with the simple message of 'I'm sorry you found cause to complain about the item.  However, you were immediately offered a refund on return of the iPod,  This was done within 4 days of your first contact.  I am glad we managed to resolve the situation to your satisfaction.'  As has been said, I can't get the negative feedback removed but hopefully, potential buyers will look at all my previous feedback and see that this has been the only negative one in 21 years.  I have since had 2 buyers who have collected items and messaged to say they are absolutely delighted with their purchase, which has made me feel better.  It's been an unpleasant experience but a learning curve.  Thank you again for your sound advice.

[jerseyboymusic]

My suggestion as a feedback reply was just a suggestion. I think it's truthful the opposite of weakness, but that's just me.

[mam98031]

I think your response was good except for the 4 day thing.  It reads like you took 4 days to refund after you got the item back.  I know that likely incorrect because if you had taken that much time to refund, Ebay would have stepped in and forced the refund.  But others might think you take too long to refund when an item is returned.

[robbie31415]

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@chapeau-noir wrote:

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@robbie31415 wrote:

Difference between a buyer being an annoying cry baby, to them being abusive.

I've had many that are like this.

However, I don't see the actual ABUSIVE part of it.

Wanting to run to the admins about abusive behavior, you better be showing real threats, or something that's over the top.

Otherwise it should just be a block and move on.

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I actually think his behaviour was immature to the point of humour. The OP did not.

You're deciding what somebody else should be thinking? Not your remit.

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No, I'm using eBays policy pages on what applies as abusive behavior.

I don't see the 'abusive' part in relation to eBays policy.

The feedback doesn't appear to violate policy and is a reflection on the buyers feelings.

People have a tendency to throw words around like 'abuse' when they simply disagree with it.

[jennifrance]

It was eBay itself that wouldn't authorise the refund until buyer had proved that he had returned the item.  From his first contact with me to him receiving the refund was within 4 days.  He had to show proof of postage to eBay and I had to confirm that I had received the item back for the refund to be authorised.  This obviously took time.  There was nothing I could do about that to make it quicker.  Gone are the days where eBay used to just give them their money back without consulting with the seller.  I was scammed a couple of times in the olden days so am pleased that they have done this.

[fbusoni]

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@robbie31415 wrote:

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@chapeau-noir wrote:

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@robbie31415 wrote:

Difference between a buyer being an annoying cry baby, to them being abusive.

I've had many that are like this.

However, I don't see the actual ABUSIVE part of it.

Wanting to run to the admins about abusive behavior, you better be showing real threats, or something that's over the top.

Otherwise it should just be a block and move on.

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I actually think his behaviour was immature to the point of humour. The OP did not.

You're deciding what somebody else should be thinking? Not your remit.

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No, I'm using eBays policy pages on what applies as abusive behavior.

I don't see the 'abusive' part in relation to eBays policy.

The feedback doesn't appear to violate policy and is a reflection on the buyers feelings.

People have a tendency to throw words around like 'abuse' when they simply disagree with it.

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There you go again, citing your reading of the regulations as the standard by which all is measured and according to which all should conform, regardless of subjective experience.  LMAO

Happy Thanksgiving!  😂

[mam98031]

@jennifrance 

It was eBay itself that wouldn't authorise the refund until buyer had proved that he had returned the item. 

I think you are talking about AFTER a buyer opens a Return Request.  But Ebay doesn't have to "authorize" a seller to refund.  A seller can do that at any time that they want to.  Before or after the return.  Likely if done before the return, the buyer will never return the item, still seller choice.

From his first contact with me to him receiving the refund was within 4 days. 

I said I understood what you were talking about, but others may not.  Ebay allows seller 2 days after the receipt of the return to issue the refund.  All I said was what you wrote in the response was a tad bit confusing.

He had to show proof of postage to eBay and I had to confirm that I had received the item back for the refund to be authorised.  This obviously took time.  There was nothing I could do about that to make it quicker. 

I just think we are miscommunicating here.  I didn't say you did anything wrong.

Gone are the days where eBay used to just give them their money back without consulting with the seller. 

I'm not sure what this statement means.  Ebay doesn't "consult[ing] with the seller" before refunding a buyer IF Ebay deems they need to step in.  And Ebay gives various buyers their money back from sellers all the time.  There are different reasons for this happening and it likely does not apply to your situation, but still it happens regularly.

I was scammed a couple of times in the olden days so am pleased that they have done this.

I'm not sure what rule you are referring to.

[robbie31415]

It’s unfortunate that you’ve chosen sarcasm over substance in response to a reasoned reference to the regulations.

These standards exist precisely to provide an objective foundation for discussions that might otherwise devolve into anecdotal tangents or purely subjective interpretations.

If you have a substantive critique of the regulatory interpretation I provided, I’d welcome it.

Dismissing a logical framework without offering a meaningful counterargument, however, does little to advance the discussion.

Let’s aim for constructive engagement rather than reductive commentary.

If a seller believes that a buyer's messages violate eBay's policies, they can utilize eBay's internal reporting features to address the issue. eBay provides tools within the platform to report inappropriate messages or behavior, which are then reviewed by eBay's support team.

[fbusoni]

What's unfortunate is that some here want to invalidate / deprive others of their own perceptions of what they feel or  experience.

Here's some constructive engagement:  no one cares how you or I or anyone else evaluates the message the OP received from the buyer, or whether and to what degree that message conforms with some printed text out of eBay's rule book.   

If the OP wanted to know whether the message she received from the buyer comported with eBay's "definition" of what constituted "abuse," she would have asked.

Now I admit that I may be going out on a limb here, but it seems to me that in this thread, what matters is how @jennifrance interprets that message... and what strikes me as important in this particular context is helping someone who is 71 years old feel a bit better about what she describes as an awful experience.

Of course, you are free to post whatever you wish, but I'm pretty sure that nobody wants to read finger-wagging which, in a thread like this, merely illuminates the glaring difference between what passes for eBay "book smarts," and actual wisdom / self-awareness.

[jennifrance]

Thank you - I think you hit the nail on the head here.  I have never had any experience of this kind of message from a buyer and it was unnerving.  The final sentence was slightly threatening as he says 'You will not get away with this.'  Thanks again for your support .

[fbusoni]

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@jennifrance wrote:

Thank you - I think you hit the nail on the head here.  I have never had any experience of this kind of message from a buyer and it was unnerving.  The final sentence was slightly threatening as he says 'You will not get away with this.'  Thanks again for your support .

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My pleasure. 

I'm 65, and I feel your pain.

[robbie31415]

I appreciate the engagement, but I feel compelled to address a few inconsistencies in your response. You’ve criticized others for “invalidating perceptions,” yet your own dismissive tone and critiques seem to do exactly that—dismissing the relevance of regulatory context while criticizing the way others contribute to the discussion. If we’re to take the premise of subjectivity seriously, then all viewpoints, including mine, deserve fair consideration.

This thread fundamentally revolves around eBay taking action, which makes eBay’s policies highly relevant. While the OP may not have explicitly asked how the buyer’s message aligns with those rules, this is a public forum, and discussions often extend beyond the initial question to include facts and perspectives that inform the broader topic. Not all input will—or should—be limited to emotional support or a singular point of view.

Regarding the OP’s experience, I absolutely empathize with how upsetting it must have been, but my focus is on the situation as a whole. Evaluating it objectively, with reference to policies, ensures a balanced perspective that doesn’t lean unfairly in any direction. This isn’t “finger-wagging”; it’s an effort to contribute meaningfully to a discussion where facts matter just as much as feelings.

Finally, I’d ask that we all maintain a respectful tone. If the standard is to prioritize subjective interpretations, as you suggest, then perhaps your own remarks, which could be perceived as insulting, deserve the same scrutiny. Ultimately, I’m here to contribute constructively and will continue to do so in line with the forum’s purpose.