Extremely rude/insulting buyers

[salburrito]

Hello. I’ve been buying and selling on eBay since 2001. I used to sell often but took a break for a few years and just recently started selling here and there again. All has been smooth minus a few slow deliveries during the holidays until very recently. Is it a new trend for buyers to be rude, demanding, insulting?

I had a small batch of packages that I was a few days late to ship. My infant daughter had the flu. This was 100% my responsibility and no fault of my buyers. I messaged all of the affected buyers and updated them when I shipped. All were friendly and understanding except 2. These two were very similar in their communication with me. Right after I updated that their package was shipped, they opened buyer protection cases with very short messages such as “refund my money now”. 

One even told me I should be ashamed of myself for using my child as an excuse to ship late. Both threatened my feedback if I didn’t refund. I am just in total shock over how people behave over a $12 pair of used yoga pants.  I refunded both to put a stop to the hateful messages and both have their packages delivered with no communication regarding them shipping back to me. Is this common now?  Threatening and being rude to get a refund and keep the product?  I just can’t beleive there are people out there willing to be so incredibly cruel to a stranger over a pair of pants that’s a little late. I almost don’t want to sell anymore.  These are two different buyers who purchased very similar items and very similar behavior from both which makes me wonder if this is what I can expect now...

[plumbingspecials]

The fewer words you use to apologize, the better....

[salburrito]

Nope, some are from earlier today!  In my email I only have a link to click to read the message. When I click the link, I can only see what I typed!  Both buyers threatened feedback if I didn’t refund (after I had shipped) which I saw was against ebay’s terms so I reported.  Maybe that has something to do with it. 

[fern*wood]

Refunding doesn't block bad feedback...

[missjen831]

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@keziak wrote:

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@salburrito wrote:

Yes, I refunded both and I take full responsibility for the late shipments. I just was NOT expecting the kind of communication and demands and insults I got from the two buyers.  The timing was odd, too, both opened cases requesting refunds the day before the tracking numbers showed that the items were to be delivered. 

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I wonder if (to speak in wild generalities) clothing buyers can be more difficult than buyers of other merchandise. I sell books and the occasional DVD. I'm pretty much at the front of the line when it comes to making mistakes but ebay buyers have been great. More than I deserve sometimes (stupid mistakes).  The atmosphere on Amazon is much colder - buyers don't respond.  On ebay they respond and we can work things out.

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I think each category has bad buyers. Some of the worst offenders I've seen here are doll collectors. But there are also a lot of really awesome doll collectors here too so you can't lump them all together. Clothing buyers tend to be picky and some you just know are going to be a problem. I'm wathing an SNAD unfold right now, pair of olive green pants that the seller even says are olive. I had the same pair for sale but mine were fatigure green pants which go for $150-$250. The same buyer was contacting me all last month trying to get my pair for less and the last I heard she was going to get back to me right after Christmas. She never did and mine sold at full price last week. And then the other day she popped up on a thread in a FB group complaining that her seller is fighting the case! I looked at the sellers listing and the seller says they are olive geen (they are). Seems the buyer thought they were fatique but as the listing said, they are fatigue. Seems she saw the lower price which would have been a good deal for fatique pants and jumped on it and now she's claiming SNAD! She was a pain too, wishy washy and going back & forth with me.

[shop_my_shop]

I've been selling off and on since 2001.  About a month ago, I had a buyer make me an offer on 'Buy it Now'.  I accepted his offer.  He then refused to pay for it,   claiming that it was simply a "bid" and not an offer to buy.  I sent him a copy of the eBay policy on non paying buyers.  He went bezerk, claiming that I was the rudest seller he has ever seen on eBay.  I just let it go and blocked him as a buyer.  Stuff like this catches up with people.  Just block the rudies and move on.

[plumbingspecials]

Sal 

You can help prevent feedback by reporting his violations

[jp.whittington]

You got scammed

The buyers we savy and new how to time the transaction to basicly steal the item from you.

There are a class of people that believe that if you are trusting

[jp.whittington]

It is deffinately posible to target a more cerebral / honest market by thr products you offer and therby having a more pleasant selling expirience.

[femmefan1946]

While I understand that you would give the baby's illness as an explanation, as you have learned, it doesn't go over well.

Too many sellers (and buyers) use sob stories as excuses and one result is that an honest explanation is looked at with a strong dose of doubt.

An apology for late action is never wrong, but there is no need to be give personal information.

Your apology should be calm, factual and professional.

"I apologize for getting this in the mail later than promised. I have upgraded the shipping to meet the specified delivery window." for example.

As for those mean-mouthed customers, the poor things have to live their angry little lives.

Both threatened my feedback if I didn’t refund....over a $12 pair of used yoga pants.  I refunded both to put a stop to the hateful messages ...

I understand why you did this, but I'm sorry that you did.

The best defense against hateful messages is the Delete button.

they opened buyer protection cases

The defense against an Item Not Received Dispute is posting a tracking number to the case.

Once posted, the Dispute is extended to allow for proof of delivery. That Proof ends the dispute in your favour.

I'm confused, constantly, about when the losing party in a dispute can leave feedback, I don't think they can but...

Both threatened my feedback if I didn’t refund.

Which is a reason for Customer Service to delete a negative feedback.

I hope the baby is doing well now. I remember when my DD was sick as a child, in those pre-vaccine days those illnesses were much more likely than today. There was always the fear of blindness, deafness, even death, every time.  And of course the tinies can't be vaccinated at all.

You really didn't need to be attacked for trying to do the right thing.

[lindyslucky]

With a background in psychology, I learned when giving an apology, give no reason or explanation at all.

As in ," due to circumstances beyond our control, your item will be delivered xx days late. Please accept our apologies. " 

With online sales, and the new ebay, buyers no longer think of sellers as human. 

No reason matters, they don't care.

And a seller does not need to provide an explanation.

it just leaves one open for criticism and debate.

(We can't get a mailman to pick up our mail at the door either.!)

Maybe you could have done something to get the items out, but, it didn't hapoen.

Now, however you know that ebay has groomed buyers to expect fast shipment, regardless of circumstances. 

Its not like it used to be.

[femmefan1946]

Just a reminder-- eBay does not use feedback as a metric for your selling account.

So even if the drooling anger monkeys leave negative feedback, eBay won't care.

Negs and neutrals do have an effect on those few customers who look farther than your FB %. Keep in mind that most buyers think 95% is a solid A.  Only those who are sophisticated enough to understand ratios or who actually read FB for patterns will pay attention to it.

If you do get negs, call for removal based on those feedback extortion messages, and/or do some buying from sellers who leave immediate FB to smother the negs.

[castlemagicmemories]

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@salburrito wrote:

I was late so I expected they might be a little irritated but I was NOT expecting to be told things like I should be ashamed of myself for using my child as an excuse to ship late or to demand a refund after it was clear the item was in transit. The messages were just crazy rude, like way over the top for the situation. 

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So sorry you were subjected to that~~sadly some may be skeptical because they have heard it all before.  They don't stop to think that it may really be true or think about what they are saying.  

Glad that your child is better.

[*eponymous*]

Depending on how late you shipped, the buyers mght have won INR cases since they opened cases when you printed labels.

Playing any kind of sympathy card is considered poor form. I personally feel bad that your baby is ill, but if you tell me that is why you are shipping late, you are going to be told how lame it is for you to try to guilt me into giving you a pass when everyone else has issues, too; and you should already have a contingency plan in place like responsible adults do.

[castlemagicmemories]

There is a saying, you reap what you sow.

Others may say, karma.

What goes around, comes around.  So the treatment they gave you, the rudeness, disdain, will someday come back to them.

Sadly some think they are above common courtesy.  But many cannot get beyond their needs, their wants, for any reason.  Very sad.  Sometimes these people have delusions of grandeur, when they are not all that.  They are only a legend in their own mind; others may find them pathetic.

[max39666]

Always expect the unexpected when dealing with buyers--the greater % will be pleasent-- once in a while  expect a bad exprience--just don't take it personal-block the bad ones and  go forward.

Best of luck !