Twas' the night before Christmas when all through the house nothing was stirring, not PC nor mouse!
The stockings were hung with truly great care hoping the Post Office didn't screw up somewhere.
The children all nestled snug in their beds whilst I paced nervously awaiting some neg's.
Mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap hoping and praying we'd get no NAD krap!
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang to the door to see what was the matter.
It was the USPS neighbor I knew in a flash, drunk as a skunk and thoroughly trashed.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow he lay in the trash cans saying, "Tracking Don't Know!"
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
A little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN! COMET ain't CUPID! Look DONNER the USPS guy's BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! It's all due to eBay, dash dash away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand and was turning around I said use the door but down the chimney he ground.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle packages flung on his back mumbling "Amazon don't pay enough..." And that there's a fact!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head trying shove a TV through the chimney with dread.
He spoke not a word, straight at his work, clearly upset as if I were a jerk!
Laying his finger aside of his nose he gave me a nod and up the chimney he rose.
Soon he sprang to his sleigh telling the Reindeer to run the Jolly man said to me, "Please call 911."
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!
