Exactly when is enough ENOUGH?

[tellmemama]

So I sold a vintage doll outfit yesterday.  The buyer is fairly new at 141 and her feedback left shows she has no idea how feedback or eBay really works.  A few false/mistakenly left positives and a string of "how do you ship and does that include PO boxes?"  left AS feedback. 

She sent a few messages making offers on it and I replied I wasn't considering any offers right now.  Then she said she wouldn't have the money until 7/1.  I thought that was the end of it until she ended up buying and paying.  She said she "borrowed" the money.  Needless to say my hackles were already up.

Since yesterday I've gotten over 20 messages double checking that it was indeed vintage.  I responded with the reasons why I'm certain it is and if she was still in doubt I would be happy to cancel for her.  She would only say she wanted it if it was vintage.  Clearly my 25 years of experience in my niche means nothing, nor does my feedback which she is free to review to confirm that I'm not in the habit of trying to defraud anyone.

I can already see what's on the horizon.  She will receive it, claim it's fake, yada yada yada.  So to all the posters who say "kill them with kindness" and "turn them into happy repeat customers with your great customer service skills",  how would you proceed?

I'm one more message away from canceling and taking the hit.

[nc-daydreamer]

I'd clarify with her what the word VINTAGE means in her vocabulary before I'd do anything else.  You both need to be on the same page here.

[nobody*s_perfect]

Well, I"m not one of those 'Kill them with kindness" sellers, so you might not want to hear from me.  I'm one of those "Block anybody who asks too many questions, to save yourself from headaches" sellers, having learned from hard experience that members who are strange or difficult just get worse when they become buyers. Especially when they ignore what you're saying, such as not accepting offers. Yikes.  There is no way to turn this gal into a happy repeat customer. I would have blocked her immediately after the second offer, or after checking her feedback left.

But it's too late to do anything about that now.  I suppose you could send a message saying that you just realized that the item is NOT vintage, so you suppose she'd like to cancel....

Sometimes sellers just forget to ship, since they'd rather deal with an INR claim than a cancellation defect.

[yuzuha]

Cancel and block.  If they're a headache before the item is ever even shipped, they'll be just as bad or worse after it.

[tellmemama]

Thanks for the advice.  As tempting as it is, I am not one of those sellers who try to dodge a defect through a technicality like orchestrating a fake INR.   Even canceling with the proper OOS excuse doesn't sit well with me personally.  But I completely understand sellers who choose to do so under similar circumstances.

I used to block anybody who made an offer since all of my listings clearly state there is no best offer option which to me shows they did not bother to read the description.  And in the end it only narrows an already shallow buyer pool.   So it has to be pretty egregious for me to block someone.  Especially when in this case, her money troubles made me think she was one of those buyers with eyes bigger than her pocketbook who would never be heard from again.  Sadly the real message storm didn't start until after  she bought.  You can be assured she has made membership to the "club" now.

I'm going to ship as promised and hope for the best.  But expect the worst.

[buyselljack2016]

Your expectations will likely be met 😞

[esg-enterprises]

You should have blocked her after the 7/1 thing, lol

But seriously I would cancel, buyer requested, of course, then block, my blocked bidders would fill a book.

[fashunu4eeuh]

There is the entire spectrum of humanity on eBay, with sometimes difficult buyers. My outlook is that it is impossible to know what affliction someone may be suffering from, so i tend to give folks the benefit of the doubt.

However, online selling is fraught with risk and not for everyone. Those with a low tolerance for stress would do well to steer clear of it. So should the impatient or the easily rattled. But none of these seem to describe you. This is a particularly wearing buyer, and it sounds as if you have it under control, despite the challenges. I appreciate your handling of it with integrity.

So, how to proceed? Normally I'd say ship the item just as if nothing was wrong, then pray there isn't. In this case, I'd be more cautious. I think the questions you need to answer are these: can you tolerate more drama with this buyer? Is the risk worth the reward? Are you willing to get a negative feedback if you cancel? Certainly there is a breaking point, for everyone. Only you know what that point is. Best wishes to you whatever you decide. Please let us know the outcome.

[tellmemama]

Starting this thread was mostly to vent and also to see if I was being unreasonable for thinking about canceling.  But I also wanted to point out why some sellers will cancel and block at the first whiff of trouble.  Yes, some go overboard and cancel after the first question.  As mentioned earlier, I won't do that but I won't be a doormat either.  In a perfect world, like minded buyers (or buyer apologists) may realize 20+ messages post sale is just wrong and stop it.  Or accept being blocked for it without crying foul.

Defects and/or the possibility of negative feedback don't scare me.  My stats are good and I'm here to sell so this will ship like any other order.  I can't control her reaction to the item when she gets it but I know what I'm selling and this is a pretty nice example.  Similar ones are at least twice the price which I'm sure she very well aware.  If and when the post delivery negotiations start, she probably won't like the outcome.

"I'm sorry you are disappointed with your purchase.  Please return for refund."

[luckythewinner]

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@tellmemama wrote:

  So to all the posters who say "kill them with kindness" and "turn them into happy repeat customers with your great customer service skills",  how would you proceed?

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I don't recall anyone here saying that "killing them with kindness" or "great customer service skills" will prevent fraud. 

[patd3283]

Tellme, I think there are a number of lonely people here shopping for things they may not be able to afford.  Once you answer more than one question, you have become their 'friend' and they are looking for confirmation that they made the right decision.

I hope this turns out well for you.

Patd

[mam98031]

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@tellmemama wrote:

Thanks for the advice.  As tempting as it is, I am not one of those sellers who try to dodge a defect through a technicality like orchestrating a fake INR.   Even canceling with the proper OOS excuse doesn't sit well with me personally.  But I completely understand sellers who choose to do so under similar circumstances.

I used to block anybody who made an offer since all of my listings clearly state there is no best offer option which to me shows they did not bother to read the description.  And in the end it only narrows an already shallow buyer pool.   So it has to be pretty egregious for me to block someone.  Especially when in this case, her money troubles made me think she was one of those buyers with eyes bigger than her pocketbook who would never be heard from again.  Sadly the real message storm didn't start until after  she bought.  You can be assured she has made membership to the "club" now.

I'm going to ship as promised and hope for the best.  But expect the worst.

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As long as you ship with tracking, creating what you are calling a "fake INR" will serve no purpose.  This is one of the very few real seller protections we have on this site.  If you have tracking that shows delivered or an attempted delivery, the seller can win an INR if one is filed.  

[dippitydoo]

Howdy nobodys-perfect....

     How is "not shipping and getting an INR" claim better than a cancellation defect?  Is there something I am missing here?  I mean, if you don't ship, you don't get tracking, and you don't get a delivered scan to make the INR claim null.  Right?  I would imagine Ebay would frown just as hard on sellers who repeatedly "forgot to ship" as they would sellers who ran out of stock.  I imagine.

-Dippity

[nobody*s_perfect]

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@dippitydoo wrote: ...  How is "not shipping and getting an INR" claim better than a cancellation defect?  Is there something I am missing here? ... I would imagine Ebay would frown just as hard on sellers who repeatedly "forgot to ship" as they would sellers who ran out of stock.  I imagine....

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Stop imagining, and check your seller dashboard or read the seller performance standards:

The transaction defect rate is the percentage of your transactions that have one or more of the following defects:

• eBay Money Back Guarantee and PayPal Purchase Protection cases closed without seller resolution
• Seller-initiated transaction cancellation

https://www.ebay.com/help/policies/selling-policies/seller-performance-policy?id=4347

You get a defect point if you cancel a transaction for "out of stock" but not if you promptly issue a refund when a buyer files an INR claim.  

[tunicaslot]

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@nobody*s_perfect wrote:

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@dippitydoo wrote: ...  How is "not shipping and getting an INR" claim better than a cancellation defect?  Is there something I am missing here? ... I would imagine Ebay would frown just as hard on sellers who repeatedly "forgot to ship" as they would sellers who ran out of stock.  I imagine....

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Stop imagining, and check your seller dashboard or read the seller performance standards:

The transaction defect rate is the percentage of your transactions that have one or more of the following defects:

• eBay Money Back Guarantee and PayPal Purchase Protection cases closed without seller resolution
• Seller-initiated transaction cancellation

https://www.ebay.com/help/policies/selling-policies/seller-performance-policy?id=4347

You get a defect point if you cancel a transaction for "out of stock" but not if you promptly issue a refund when a buyer files an INR claim.  

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So is this what people are now using for out of stock items or when you don't want problems with a PITA? I'm just curious as I never had heard of this go around. I've been honest in taking my defects even for ghost listings but now with lower sales numbers that % rate is awfully high.