Annoying questions buyers ask.

[patmos-8]

It's not a great time to be an eBay seller.  Judging from the posts on this forum, I'm not the only one struggling with low morale.  I thought it might be fun to share our favorite common/annoying questions we get from buyers.  I'll start with two and I'm genuinely excited to read some of yours.

1. "What's the lowest you'll go?"  So you're basically saying you want to do business with me, but you want it to be as unprofitable as possible for me as well.  Nice.  Imagine going to a job interview and the interviewer says "what's the lowest wage you'd accept?"  Yeah, I'll pass.

2.  "Any rips, holes, stains?"  Yes, this item is covered in blemishes, but I purposely hid them in the photos and didn't mention them in the description.  With my 60-day free return policy, I figured that would be prudent.  You've uncovered my diabolical plot to make my fortune.  

[gdiesel70]

Yep.

If I have to make you feel some type of way just for you to buy my item, I charge by the half hour.

I’m not the most servile seller, I won’t tell you to drop dead but I’m also not going to make you feel special for buying something that you wanted.

I respond to most messages within an hour; I ship the same day; I package things well; I provide a good buying experience. None of that IMO, is customer service.

[caseypl]

I always like seeing someone ask if I'll take xxxx amount? Whenever it's over 25% from the current price, I block immediately. If they reluctantly buy at the higher price, stuff is bound to happen later on. 

[dippitydoo]

Here's my fav...I was selling a pricey religious item, and the person wrote: I'm a priest of a religious community that is trying to collect artifacts and icons"...( and I was wondering where is this leading?)...."And as you know, we take a vow of poverty and was wondering if you would be willing to donate this item?"  Ahhh, that's where this was going!   That train doesn't stop at my station, lol!

-Dippity

[sfau]

I get asked for free shipping all the time.  Literally a garage sale here (because I hate to actually have one) and start most items under $5.00 so unfortunately I can't do free shipping because that can be more than the item!

[reallynicestamps]

There are simple answers to two of the annoying questions.

When we set up Best Offer, we can also set parameters for Acceptable and Not Acceptable offers. The Acceptable ones are... well, accepted automatically and the customers invoiced.*

We only see that it has sold and that it has been paid.

Not Acceptable get a polite letter, also automatic, and we never see those offers.

The two numbers can be a penny apart.

With the "layaway" and "tight budget" questions, it might help to mention that if the customer pays with a credit card I get paid and ship immediately, while the customer can pay off the card balance (with interest) at their leisure.

If the customer can't qualify for a credit card, that's not my problem and since everything I sell is a luxury, the customer shouldn't even be shopping.

I am old and grouchy.

*Unfortunately, Immediate Payment Required can't be used with these.

[downunder-61]

---

@completepuzzle wrote:

Evidently this is an annoying question I ask from time to time.

Hi. When this ends will you sell me just one of them? I only want the one that's complete.

It seems like I always get a snotty answer back.

---

---

This one would annoy me a little bit especially if my auction already had a bid to be honest.

It sounds like you are thinking of bidding on a listing, but you only want one of the offered items if you win it when the seller has decided this is the way he wants to list and run his auction.

But at least you are asking before you bid and win, so that is a plus in my book.

[evelyb30]

When I get the poverty/disability excuse, I reply honestly that I've been diagnosed with three auto-immune diseases myself.  One of which is  a progressive form of MS, so I understand where they're at.  Shuts off the whines pretty quickly.  

[doc-holmes]

---

@maxine*j wrote:

I will tell you one of my all-time favorite customer inquiries, although it was not an eBay buyer.  It was  in a brick-and-mortar bookstore. 

A woman said she was looking for a book but could not remember the title or the author.  I asked her what she could tell me about the book.  She made a few vague comments. 

I asked her another question, when something she said rang a slight bell.  I said, "Could the book be Mistral's Daughter, by Judith Krantz?" 

"YES!" she exclaimed. 

"Well, wait one moment," said I, "and I'll get a copy for you." 

"Oh, no thanks," she said.  "I don't want to buy it.  I'll get it from the library now.  I was there earlier and they wouldn't help me at all,  just because I didn't know who wrote it or what it's called!" 

And out the door she went.

-

---

I used to work for the major video store chain back in the late 90s. Once, I had a woman come in and ask where we kept our linseed. 

[patmos-8]

I understand sometimes people ask those questions because they've been burned in the past.  But here's why it's still nonsensical: if I'm the type of seller that will volitionally misrepresent the condition of my item in the listing, what makes you think I'll magically be honest with you when you message me and ask about the condition?  If someone is willing to lie in the listing, they're willing to lie in private messages.  

[patmos-8]

Exactly.  If I wanted to be a human punching bag for entitled people that treat me like sub-human garbage, I'd go work a regular sales job for someone and else and clock out at 5 PM every day.   Instead, I work non-stop and assume all the risk so I can at least keep a modicum of my dignity.  

[chapeau-noir]

---

@dippitydoo wrote:

Here's my fav...I was selling a pricey religious item, and the person wrote: I'm a priest of a religious community that is trying to collect artifacts and icons"...( and I was wondering where is this leading?)...."And as you know, we take a vow of poverty and was wondering if you would be willing to donate this item?"  Ahhh, that's where this was going!   That train doesn't stop at my station, lol!

-Dippity

---

I had an aunt who was a Carmelite nun, who of course took a vow of poverty.  She lived very humbly and walked her talk. During family Christmas parties when some of us went out to get the beer, she always got the least expensive brand 6-pack citing that she had taken a vow of poverty after all, so she'd just put up with the cheap beer lol.

[mam98031]

---

@justafemster wrote:

Nope.  My job is to list things, with well taken pictures and to mail the items when purchased. 

I'm not customer service, I'm not here to make you feel good.  I'm here to make a profit and not have to work for someone else who give all sorts of arbitrary rules.  Which is why I work here instead. 

Thanks mom.  I'll do things my way. 

---

You may not feel you are, but you are.  It is part of your job as a seller.  

If you feel you are insulting me or annoying me by calling me Mom, you are not.  While that is not part of my user ID, I am proud to be a mom, so it doesn't bother me if that is what you are after.

You have every right to do things your way.  I did not say different.  It is your little business.

[patmos-8]

Thanks again, mom.

[mam98031]

---

@patmos-8 wrote:

Thanks again, mom.

---

Not a problem.  🙄

[chapeau-noir]

We're just having a little fun.