Never used it, of course, but as a way to let off some steam I once wrote this Used Book Disclaimer:
This is a used book. When I invited it into my home, it seemed clean and tidy. During its stay with me, it has lived a sanitary, smoke-free life. Prior to that, I cannot say. It may have spent time with a smoker, or near a smoky fireplace. One of its former readers may have owned cats or dogs, donkeys or parrots. It may have shared a bookcase with great vases of ragweed and bowls of peanuts. The book may, at times, have been enveloped in clouds of perfumes or billows of gluten. It may, poor thing, have been handled by someone whose aura was dim or whose chakras were misaligned. Given all the risks, if you are of an extremely sensitive or delicate nature, I beg you to buy the book new.
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