Urgent - suicidal note

[or_couture]

Hey,

I want to make sure I am doing the right thing.

If you got a note with a heavy suicidal scent from a buyer saying "I have nothing to live for/I wish I was dead ASAP" - what would you do?

[hyperrush]

This is serious stuff

[nowthatsjustducky]

You're a bit late to the party here, man.  🙂

[donker55]

You did the right thing.

[castlemagicmemories]

You are so right!

[tellmemama]

I am not following.  You say one can be  oblivious with their life partner, but from living with him, you know something is wrong with yours.

And that is what I meant.  Even through that brave face of him telling you everything is fine, you have that inkling that it is not.

And yes, she may be in an abusive relationship where the husband is causing it or does not care.  But that was not the scenario I was referring to.  I was talking about two people in a relationship that do care for each other, and there would be signs all is not well.  You may not know they are suicidal but should sense something is wrong.

Sorry but I don't know how to make it any clearer for you.  Some people with mental illness are very good at hiding it and not every one of their partners can see the warning signs.  There are countless examples of parents who had no idea their kids were drinking/doing drugs/being bullied/physically|emothionally|sexually abused or whatever.  There are women who had no idea they were pregnant until they gave birth.  Shouldn't they all be able to see the warning signs as well?

The only reason I can tell is the length of time we've been together.  But even then it's still not an absolute science and I frequently miss the signs.  Just the other day he seemed to be in a great mood but the next day said he never felt so depressed as he did the day before.

I guess I missed it because I don't care enough.

<edit: spelling>

[bdbq_reborn]

everyone here should watch THE BRIDGE a very frightening documentary about the Golden Gate Bridge 

It will surely reset folks attitude about when or if it will happen

Suicide has only one rule 

Don't Ignore It 

[emerald40]

Sorry but I do not know how to make it clearer to you (op)

_____________________________________

Yes, it is difficult when you contradict yourself in your responses and then get angry when I point them out.

And you are missing something apparent in this discussion.  I never said you were aware of every minute of every day on your partner's moods, but you are aware that he does have a problem.

Same with this woman. You just do not come out of the blue one day and want to kill yourself.  There would be signs that something is wrong.  Some inclination that not everything is well.

[myjunqueyourtreasure]

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@or_couture wrote:

Hey,

I want to make sure I am doing the right thing.

If you got a note with a heavy suicidal scent from a buyer saying "I have nothing to live for/I wish I was dead ASAP" - what would you do?

---

Haven't read the rest of the thread, but I'd most likely do nothing.

Why would a buyer feel the need to contact an ebay seller to say that? Seems weird to me.

Of course, depending on the day I might respond "me too"

[moondogblues]

"I'm so sorry for your pain. We can't always know what lurks in the hearts and minds of others~it's not your fault. "

Thank you for that. It's actually been decades now, but still seems like yesterday and I get teary eyed thinking of him. He was cute, smart, personable and he just gave up on himself. I broke up with him, and he went back to an old GF and then she broke up with him. There were a few other things too, but I think he felt unloved and unlovable. Like someone said upthread, maybe someone needs some caring to get over a rough patch.

[moondogblues]

Yay for the Op who may have saved a life! I was so happy to read that!!!

[bdbq_reborn]

as reasonable as that sounds i can hear the conversation now. everything you say to eBay CS they have a script where they take key words and inject them in this script to read back to you

"So Miss Person you are calling because you are having trouble with your customer who wants you to include a suicide in their purchase but do not want to pay extra?"

arghhh
"No! My customer emailed me with threats of killing themselves ... please help me"

"Oh, now I understand. You are being threatened by a customer and we at eBay do not allow this . Is this the first time you received this threat or have you gotten others ? Let me pull up the email and see what the problem is."
"hmm Miss Person I cannot see a threat against you of any kind. Are you sure this is the right person ? They do use the word 'kill' but not pertaining to you but to themself. Is that what you are referring to ?"
...
"please let me speak to a supervisor ..."

i am not making light of the issue but i think if it's something you can handle yourself you should at least try . As helpful as eBay CS can be ... and they have helped me more than hinder me, there is no denying that we have a language barrier and you cannot count on CS passing it on to the right person in a timely fashion, if at all.

reporting a suicide can be done anonymously

[tellmemama]

---

@emerald40 wrote:

Sorry but I do not know how to make it clearer to you (op)

_____________________________________

Yes, it is difficult when you contradict yourself in your responses and then get angry when I point them out.

And you are missing something apparent in this discussion.  I never said you were aware of every minute of every day on your partner's moods, but you are aware that he does have a problem.

Same with this woman. You just do not come out of the blue one day and want to kill yourself.  There would be signs that something is wrong.  Some inclination that not everything is well.

---

Well for starters, I'm not sure where I contradicted myself.  I've stayed pretty on message that loved ones may not see the signals.  In my particular case, yes I'm aware he has a problem.  But I don't always know when it will strike or if it already has.  I've worked on a crisis hotline and in a facility for the mentally challenged.  Both required quite a bit of training so maybe I'm a little more sensitive when recognizing something may be off with him.  But not always.

If this woman's husband was unaware of her depressed feelings and she followed through with her plans, I would think he would feel terribly guilty but even more so if someone actually told him he should have seen it coming when he didn't.  It's too easy to make suppositions about how other people live their lives.  It's also pretty cavalier if you know absolutely nothing about them.

As far as being angry?  Over a stranger's posts on the internet?  Hardly.

[cherry*fizz]

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@bdbq_reborn wrote:

everyone here should watch THE BRIDGE a very frightening documentary about the Golden Gate Bridge 

It will surely reset folks attitude about when or if it will happen

Suicide has only one rule 

Don't Ignore It 

---

That is a very powerful documentary. I haven't seen it for a while. I think the most powerful thing is when they interviewed one of the guys who survived the jump, and he talked about how he wanted everything to be over, so he jumped, and then the instant his hands left that railing, he immediately regretted it. It just really hit the point home that suicide can be a very implusive thing. 

Not to get too personal here, but there was a time in my life where things were going very wrong and I was not always equiped to handle it. There was one brief moment where honestly, if I'd have had a gun, I would have shot myself. My brain felt like it was scrambled for that instant. Everything seemed dark. But it passed. If I'd have had a gun I would have never known it was only a temporary thing. 

I realize that some people think about it for long periods of time, sometimes doing it, sometimes just idealizing it. But that's the point, you never know what someone is thinking, so it's alwyas better to be safe than sorry. 

[castlemagicmemories]

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@a_c_green wrote:

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@or_couture wrote:

You'd be surprised how many msgs I get from strangers sharing details about their family, jobs and what not..

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Actually no, I wouldn't. I have one gentleman out west someplace who buys bicycle parts from me regularly, but sends me long emails about their local farming, and how he almost missed the auction end because he was out helping his neighbor on the next farm get his crops harvested, etc. Others are a little more on-topic with the auction item, and upload photos of their current restoration project, what they'll be using the parts for and so on. Some people just like to chat.

Fortunately I've never encountered anyone talking about their personal problems, but it would not surprise me if that happened sooner or later.

---

You're right, it probably will happen to you at some point in time.  I have had people share personal issues throughout my life, but God gave me two ears and one mouth for a purpose, to listen more than I talk, and I genuinely hope that they are the better for it.  

[castlemagicmemories]

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@moondogblues wrote:
"I'm so sorry for your pain. We can't always know what lurks in the hearts and minds of others~it's not your fault. "

Thank you for that. It's actually been decades now, but still seems like yesterday and I get teary eyed thinking of him. He was cute, smart, personable and he just gave up on himself. I broke up with him, and he went back to an old GF and then she broke up with him. There were a few other things too, but I think he felt unloved and unlovable. Like someone said upthread, maybe someone needs some caring to get over a rough patch.

---

You are welcome.  Caring people such as yourself often experience guilt when it is not our fault; it is a measure of your compassion and sensitivity.  There is so much pain in this world~and we may have no way of knowing what burdens someone else is carrying.  And not everyone will reach out as the OP's buyer did~so like you, we may never know.  You're right~a little caring to get over a rough patch may win the day, just as the OP did here. 

I read something the other day that said, there is no way to break it gently to the heart when you cannot return its' regard.  You will never forget him but I hope you will be at peace with yourself.