eBay

or_couture · ‎10-12-2018

Hey,

I want to make sure I am doing the right thing.

If you got a note with a heavy suicidal scent from a buyer saying "I have nothing to live for/I wish I was dead ASAP" - what would you do?

Thanks everyone for sharing & helping 🙂

a_c_green · ‎10-13-2018

@or_couture wrote:
You'd be surprised how many msgs I get from strangers sharing details about their family, jobs and what not..

Actually no, I wouldn't. I have one gentleman out west someplace who buys bicycle parts from me regularly, but sends me long emails about their local farming, and how he almost missed the auction end because he was out helping his neighbor on the next farm get his crops harvested, etc. Others are a little more on-topic with the auction item, and upload photos of their current restoration project, what they'll be using the parts for and so on. Some people just like to chat.

Fortunately I've never encountered anyone talking about their personal problems, but it would not surprise me if that happened sooner or later.

turquoisetulips · ‎10-13-2018

@18704d wrote:

" I don't quite understand why you feel your personal safety would be in jeporady if you responded in kind ? Tulips"
--------

The possibilty is there that it could be a very unstable person, who is not suicidal.
And, as said before, if the police showed up at their house, and caused considerable embarassment to them, in front of their family...

And you were the only one they stated this 'threat' to...
Their anger could be focussed on you.

I had an online stalker about 20 years ago.
And it's even easier, nowadays, for them to find out so very much more about you now... and your habits, where you work and the places you frequent.

Lynn

However , how unlikely would it be that this suicidal person would go to the type of trouble it would take get revenge on someone who was only trying to help them ? I don't know how far away the seller and this troubled buyer live from each other but if they live in different states then the buyer would need to actually invest money into the type of revenge you spoke about . I just don't think personal safety on the part of the seller is in much jeporady here with this scenerio,, although I suppose anything is possible . As someone else pointed out the good smararitan law would probably prevent the seller from being sued as well . This is why I still think the seller took the best course of action in contacting the proper authorties . Tulips

tellmemama · ‎10-13-2018

@emerald40 wrote:
@or_couture wrote:
Ok. That's what I did.
I just feel bad thinking the police might knock on her door at 4am waking her husband and he wouldn't know what's going on... 😕
If he is living in that house then this cannot be a surprise to him that his wife is in crisis.

He cannot be that oblivious.

Oh he absolutely can be that oblivious. People in this mental state often put on a very brave face to their partners to spare them the inner pain and turmoil going on in their heads. My partner is bipolar and often will say everything is fine when it isn't. But after nearly 34 years together, I can tell when he isn't being honest with himself or me. And if I push him enough, he will finally open up.

OTOH, the husband could very well be the reason she is having those feelings.

Joe

turquoisetulips · ‎10-13-2018

@castlemagicmemories wrote:
@moms**art**window** wrote:
You were true to yourself and listened to your heart and should stand proud.One time i was in a restaurant someone was choking on some meat people were gathered around trying to do Heimlich maneuver having no luck something just made me run across the room reached down the throat and got that meat out "that quick" it would have been to late for the people that took a course in that kind of thing.
I went through something similar. A woman at work was choking in the back room (break room, lunch room) and I came up behind her and did the Heimlich manuever a few times. She was coughing and turning blue. The first few times didn't work but the third time did, I literally picked her up and I would have doubted I could do that. But it flew out, and she was fine and very grateful.

Excellent job ! you saved a life and for that you deserve the utmost appreciation !! This same thing happened to a friend of mine recently as well in a resturant . She choked on chicken cardon blue ? If thats the correct spelling . Luckily her husband knew the Heimlich manuever but it took 7 attempts before she could breathe again . She said she was totally embarressed but so thankful he was with her . There would have been no time to save her life had they waited for the first responders . Tulips

turquoisetulips · ‎10-13-2018

@pvcliff wrote:
@castlemagicmemories wrote:
@moms**art**window** wrote:
You were true to yourself and listened to your heart and should stand proud.One time i was in a restaurant someone was choking on some meat people were gathered around trying to do Heimlich maneuver having no luck something just made me run across the room reached down the throat and got that meat out "that quick" it would have been to late for the people that took a course in that kind of thing.
I went through something similar. A woman at work was choking in the back room (break room, lunch room) and I came up behind her and did the Heimlich manuever a few times. She was coughing and turning blue. The first few times didn't work but the third time did, I literally picked her up and I would have doubted I could do that. But it flew out, and she was fine and very grateful.
FWIW, Heimlich works on dogs too. I just happened to turn back after tossing the dogs biscuits and saw our cairn terrier (Toto dog) drop unconscious and roll down the back steps. I knew instantly the biscuit was in her throat and got down on the ground with her and grabbed her to me while performing the maneuver. Biscuit popped out she took a huge breath and then grabbed it again so our beagle wouldn't get it. That time I had to pump her under the breast bone, pound her on the back, turn her upside down and then do the Heimlich maneuver again before biscuit popped out. I grabbed the biscuit and threw the whole box of Bonz biscuits away since they were round. Stuck to MilkBones after that!

Thank you for that great information ! We have 4 dogs that mean the world to us ,, second only to our two legged children . 🙂 Tulips

turquoisetulips · ‎10-13-2018

@pvcliff wrote:
@castlemagicmemories wrote:
@moms**art**window** wrote:
You were true to yourself and listened to your heart and should stand proud.One time i was in a restaurant someone was choking on some meat people were gathered around trying to do Heimlich maneuver having no luck something just made me run across the room reached down the throat and got that meat out "that quick" it would have been to late for the people that took a course in that kind of thing.
I went through something similar. A woman at work was choking in the back room (break room, lunch room) and I came up behind her and did the Heimlich manuever a few times. She was coughing and turning blue. The first few times didn't work but the third time did, I literally picked her up and I would have doubted I could do that. But it flew out, and she was fine and very grateful.
FWIW, Heimlich works on dogs too. I just happened to turn back after tossing the dogs biscuits and saw our cairn terrier (Toto dog) drop unconscious and roll down the back steps. I knew instantly the biscuit was in her throat and got down on the ground with her and grabbed her to me while performing the maneuver. Biscuit popped out she took a huge breath and then grabbed it again so our beagle wouldn't get it. That time I had to pump her under the breast bone, pound her on the back, turn her upside down and then do the Heimlich maneuver again before biscuit popped out. I grabbed the biscuit and threw the whole box of Bonz biscuits away since they were round. Stuck to MilkBones after that!

We had a very loud thunderstorm last night . It was the loudest thunder I've heard in California since I was about 12 years old[ our trip to Oklahoma taught me what real thunder sounds like] . Three of our dogs called an emergency meeting right at my feet while all this was going on ,, they were terrified . I'd probably check out those Thunder shirts they sell right here on e bay but these loud storms are so rare here it probably wouldn't be worth it . Tulips

muttlymob · ‎10-13-2018

@coolections wrote:
@gracieallen01 wrote:
Are you acquainted with the person? If so, how well and how long? And, what about a 'husband'?
Your posts make me think there is a whole lot more to the story than just a note, out of the blue, to a complete stranger, talking about suicide.
I agree. A random Ebay person who is serious about suicide is not going to just message a complete stranger they've never met. I would have just deleted the message.

Some of you are trying to attach rational behavior to someone who, if serious about the threat, is not likely thinking or behaving rationally.

Not every suicide threat is the same. Not every suicidal person is the same. Not every mental illness is the same.

Some suicidal people may actually talk to total strangers and hide it from their closest loved ones. Because the loved ones would be more likely to try to stop them. The person may feel a need to tell someone but don't want to tell anyone who could actually help.

bdbq_reborn · ‎10-13-2018

i just stumbled across this

i too have been amazed at the way some of my customers have felt comfortable telling me the sad truths of their lives and I always remind them eBay email is available to the staff to read at any time.

i had to reach out to a localized department of human services because one of my customers who was brain injured was being abused by her roommate. The situation was so bad i literally could not sleep.

i am so glad I did because I stopped the abuse, the room mate was legally removed and my customer is safe.

There is no reason to ignore any plea from another human being no matter the venue

I would cry but drinking is a lot more subtle.

emerald40 · ‎10-13-2018

@tellmemama wrote:
@emerald40 wrote:
@or_couture wrote:
Ok. That's what I did.
I just feel bad thinking the police might knock on her door at 4am waking her husband and he wouldn't know what's going on... 😕
If he is living in that house then this cannot be a surprise to him that his wife is in crisis.

He cannot be that oblivious.
Oh he absolutely can be that oblivious. People in this mental state often put on a very brave face to their partners to spare them the inner pain and turmoil going on in their heads. My partner is bipolar and often will say everything is fine when it isn't. But after nearly 34 years together, I can tell when he isn't being honest with himself or me. And if I push him enough, he will finally open up.

OTOH, the husband could very well be the reason she is having those feelings.

__________________________________

I am not following. You say one can be oblivious with their life partner, but from living with him, you know something is wrong with yours.

And that is what I meant. Even through that brave face of him telling you everything is fine, you have that inkling that it is not.

And yes, she may be in an abusive relationship where the husband is causing it or does not care. But that was not the scenario I was referring to. I was talking about two people in a relationship that do care for each other, and there would be signs all is not well. You may not know they are suicidal but should sense something is wrong.

castlemagicmemories · ‎10-13-2018

@bdbq_reborn wrote:
i just stumbled across this

i too have been amazed at the way some of my customers have felt comfortable telling me the sad truths of their lives and I always remind them eBay email is available to the staff to read at any time.

i had to reach out to a localized department of human services because one of my customers who was brain injured was being abused by her roommate. The situation was so bad i literally could not sleep.

i am so glad I did because I stopped the abuse, the room mate was legally removed and my customer is safe.

There is no reason to ignore any plea from another human being no matter the venue

You did a wonderful thing there. Thank God you did. Great post, I commend you on your compassion and caring.

pvcliff · ‎10-13-2018

@turquoisetulips wrote:
@pvcliff wrote:
@castlemagicmemories wrote:
@moms**art**window** wrote:
You were true to yourself and listened to your heart and should stand proud.One time i was in a restaurant someone was choking on some meat people were gathered around trying to do Heimlich maneuver having no luck something just made me run across the room reached down the throat and got that meat out "that quick" it would have been to late for the people that took a course in that kind of thing.
I went through something similar. A woman at work was choking in the back room (break room, lunch room) and I came up behind her and did the Heimlich manuever a few times. She was coughing and turning blue. The first few times didn't work but the third time did, I literally picked her up and I would have doubted I could do that. But it flew out, and she was fine and very grateful.
FWIW, Heimlich works on dogs too. I just happened to turn back after tossing the dogs biscuits and saw our cairn terrier (Toto dog) drop unconscious and roll down the back steps. I knew instantly the biscuit was in her throat and got down on the ground with her and grabbed her to me while performing the maneuver. Biscuit popped out she took a huge breath and then grabbed it again so our beagle wouldn't get it. That time I had to pump her under the breast bone, pound her on the back, turn her upside down and then do the Heimlich maneuver again before biscuit popped out. I grabbed the biscuit and threw the whole box of Bonz biscuits away since they were round. Stuck to MilkBones after that!
We had a very loud thunderstorm last night . It was the loudest thunder I've heard in California since I was about 12 years old[ our trip to Oklahoma taught me what real thunder sounds like] . Three of our dogs called an emergency meeting right at my feet while all this was going on ,, they were terrified . I'd probably check out those Thunder shirts they sell right here on e bay but these loud storms are so rare here it probably wouldn't be worth it . Tulips

My three cats were not amused during last night's thunder storm. Our usually unflappable 18 pounder, JB, was definitely looking for comfort and reassurance. Mocha just hid in the closet. But I got an earful from Bootsie about Fritz letting us down, and I had to explain that we had a substitute weatherman on the local news at 6pm and that obviously she could not hold Fritz accountable when he wasn't working that night.

______________________________________________

They didn’t say it was your fault. They said they blame you.

emerald40 · ‎10-13-2018

@muttlymob wrote:
@coolections wrote:
@gracieallen01 wrote:
Are you acquainted with the person? If so, how well and how long? And, what about a 'husband'?
Your posts make me think there is a whole lot more to the story than just a note, out of the blue, to a complete stranger, talking about suicide.
I agree. A random Ebay person who is serious about suicide is not going to just message a complete stranger they've never met. I would have just deleted the message.
Some of you are trying to attach rational behavior to someone who, if serious about the threat, is not likely thinking or behaving rationally.

Not every suicide threat is the same. Not every suicidal person is the same. Not every mental illness is the same.

Some suicidal people may actually talk to total strangers and hide it from their closest loved ones. Because the loved ones would be more likely to try to stop them. The person may feel a need to tell someone but don't want to tell anyone who could actually help.

Again, this is not comeone who just made a purchase and had minimal or no contact with this OP.

OP explained that buyer contacted her through PM and was confiding in her. And as someone said, the husband could be the problem and she has no family or friends nearby.

castlemagicmemories · ‎10-13-2018

@moondogblues wrote:
"I still ask myself could I have done anything different for the lady who shot herself and died."

It's been decades, an ex BF of mine killed himself and to this day I ask myself what if....what if. He's not the only one who I have known to commit suicide...DO NOT pass off a threat please. If they succeed it will affect everyone they ever knew, and who knows what a great life they could have had if someone had cared enough to help them through a rough patch.

My ex-BF didn't let me know what was going on, though we were still 'friends'. He was 22.

I'm so sorry for your pain. We can't always know what lurks in the hearts and minds of others~it's not your fault.

castlemagicmemories · ‎10-13-2018

@gracieallen01 wrote:
@emerald40 wrote:
I believe the OP explained this - that they private emailed each other and this buyer confided in her.
Yes, the OP did. I hadn't read that far since I got home. Oftimes one turns to the stranger or a lesser known person.

Yes, they may feel more comfortable unburdening themselves to someone they don't know at all, or well. The anonymity may make that easier.

or_couture · ‎10-13-2018

Just to update, she sent me a thank you note, that she's deeply moved that someone who has never met her would show such concern for her wellbeing. And that she would like to meet one day.

She finished the note with -

"Knowing there are good hearted people like you in the world gives me hope. ❤️"

*Phew* I feel so much better, I wasn't sure how she would react and whether I was doing the right thing (sending police and paramedics to her at 4am) throught this whole ordeal, but she explicitly said it saved her. *phew*.

Thanks everyone for sharing & helping 🙂