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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

I will start. A grandfather telling a story to his grand kids,

 

Grandpa -  60 years ago, we used to swim in the river and go down and stay there for 2 days.

Grandkids - What about oxygen grandpa?

Grandpa - there was no oxygen at that time and didn't even know what it was.

 

Ok, maybe not so good, here's another

 

A guy picks up a newspaper and starts reading about the harmful effects of smoking and chewing tobacco, so he said he got so scared from reading all the negative stuff that he decided with God's help to quit reading...

 

Have a good evening.

 

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

 

The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? A joke?"

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

My favorite (although many look at me quizzically when I have told this~I think it's hilarious!)

 

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

A fish.

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

http://www.rinkworks.com/jokes/jokes14.shtml In a particular small country, there was a king. He was much beloved of the people, and so they built for him a castle. But they were poor people and could only afford to build it out of grass. So they worked for weeks, and finally completed a lovely woven grass castle for him. And the king was pleased. Another country, significantly richer than the first, presented a peace offering of an ornate throne. The king accepted this gift graciously and was most pleased. The only trouble was, the throne was very uncomfortable. So the king got himself a more comfortable chair and kept the massive throne in the attic. Naturally, it fell through the floor and killed him. The moral of this story: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/hugh-and-only-hugh-can-prevent-florist-friars.2478144/

 

 

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Terrified, they did so - thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

 http://davidgardiner.net/Bulbs.html

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

One, but the light bulb must want to change.

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

A penguin walks into a bar.
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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

And?

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

https://www.supercall.com/culture/best-walks-into-a-bar-jokes 

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE / YOUTUBE

 

The 23 Best “Walks Into a Bar” Jokes

 by SUPERCALL 

 

 

!"

A Bloody Good Joke

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

Best Bar Snacks Ever

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, "That shirt looks great on you!”
The man looks around, doesn’t see anything, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. But then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering, “You seem like a really cool guy!”
Again, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get checked out by a professional. Finally, when his nerves have cooled and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud of you!”
He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he calls over the bartender. He says, “Hey barkeep! What’s that voice I keep hearing?”
“Oh, those are the peanuts,” the bartender replies. “They’re complimentary.”

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress


@castlemagicmemories wrote:

My favorite (although many look at me quizzically when I have told this~I think it's hilarious!)

 

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

A fish.


it is pretty good, but it seems to me that most audiences wouldn't have a clue...

 

kinda like this one:

 

three statisticians went bow hunting for ducks... the first one fired; the shot went high... the second one fired; the shot went low...

 

the third one shouted, "We got it!!"

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

Okay - 

 

A  theif breaks into a house late one night  while everyone was asleep . He began shining his flashlight around the room to see what he could steal . All of a sudden he hears a voice say '' Jesus is watching you '' . He looks around and sees nobody so he figures he's just hearing things .  So he keeps shining his flashlight  and once again he hears the voice say '' Jesus is watching you '' . Okay now he's frightened  and he says '' who said that ? !!!  So he starts shining his light wildly all around the room  until he shines it on a big cage with a parrot  sitting inside . He walks up to the cage and he asks the parrot  '' did you say that '' ?  the parrot replies Yes . So the theif asks the parrot  '' and who are you ?  The parrot replies Moses .  The theif says Moses is a stupid name for a parrot ,, what kind of people would name their parrot Moses ?  And the parrot replies '' The same people who named their Rottweilier Jesus .   🙂    Tulips 

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

The Blonde Ebay Bidder

 

A blonde and red head were sitting at a table having lunch.
Their conversation turned to Ebay.

"I really like to use Ebay." Said the Red Head. "I bid on it everyday."
"Well I hate Ebay!" Says the blonde.
"Why?" asks the Red head.
"Because I always raise a bidding paddle, and scream numbers at
the computer, But it never hears me.

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Ebay#ixzz5M3T9yDQA

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

I couldn't resist.

Not saying 'NO' doesn't mean 'YES'.

The foolishness of one's actions or words is determined by the number of witnesses.

Perhaps if Brains were described as an APP, many people would use them more often.

Respect, like money, is only of 'worth' when it is earned - with all due respect, it can not be ordained, legislated or coerced. Anonymous
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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress

A Higs Boson particle wanders into a cathederal.

 

The priest says "Hey YOU are not allowed in here".

 

The Higs Boson particle says, "C'mon man - without me you can't even have Mass".

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Let's Joke & get rid of some selling stress


@castlemagicmemories wrote:

 

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

A fish.


How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

None.

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