08-29-2017 08:10 AM - edited 08-29-2017 08:11 AM
My boss from 17 years ago (yes, we're still email friends!) sent me this email titled "When Insults Had Class."
Since we booksellers are presumably ardent fans of the English language, I thought I'd share it here:
Don’t You Just Yearn For The Days When Insults Had Class..
These glorious insults are from an era “ before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
"That depends, Sir, " said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy ."-Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."-Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."-Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."-Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."-Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."-Winston Churchill, in response
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."-Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."-John Bright
“I‘ve just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."-Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."-Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."- Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."-Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."-Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"-Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."-Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."-Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."-Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."-Groucho Marx
08-31-2017 10:39 AM
Excellent!
My Dad asked one of his friends if he was going to a mutual acquaintances funeral. He replied, "he's not coming to mine, why should I go to his? I am not sure if he came up with on the spot or borrowed it (it sounds vaudvillian), but it still elicits a chuckle.
09-02-2017 08:16 AM
That is a clever comment!
09-03-2017 02:30 PM
I still miss being called a box of rocks.
Those were the days.