The curse of the chrome muffler | Selling

short_circuit.lineman61 · 2026-06-16T23:23:12.117853Z

I've been selling automotive parts on eBay for years. Alternators, carburetors, starters, mufflers—you name it. I had a spotless feedback record and thought I'd seen every strange buyer imaginable.Then this guy came along.It started innocently enough when he purchased a chrome muffler for a 1978 pickup truck. Within an hour of paying, he had sent me 37 messages."Has it shipped yet?"Five minutes later:"Has it arrived yet?"Then:"I think my dog can hear the package moving through the postal system."I laughed and answered politely. At that point I had no idea what I was dealing with.Three days later the muffler arrived and the buyer immediately opened a return request.Reason: "Item too shiny."I accepted the return.An hour later he messaged me again."Actually, the shine is growing on me. Cancel the return."Two minutes later:"Never mind. The shine has become aggressive."I stared at my monitor for several minutes trying to figure out what an aggressive shine looked like.The next morning he opened another case.Reason: "Muffler appears to have altered local weather patterns."His evidence consisted entirely of photographs of clouds.I contacted customer service. They told me to request additional information from the buyer.That was a mistake.The buyer responded with a fourteen-page report titled Atmospheric Disturbances Associated With Reflective Exhaust Components.A week later I received a message at 3:17 in the morning."The muffler is attracting raccoons."One minute later:"The raccoons appear organized."Then:"I believe they have elected a leader."At this point I started questioning my career choices.A few days later the buyer informed me that the muffler had somehow established what he called a "Chrome Republic" inside his garage and was demanding independence from the truck.Eventually he returned the package.The original muffler weighed fourteen pounds.The return package weighed one hundred and twelve.When I opened the box, I found:Three bowling balls.A garden gnome.A VHS aerobics tape from 1987.And a handwritten note that simply read:"The muffler escaped."I uploaded photos to support my case.The buyer responded with a hand-drawn map showing the muffler's alleged migration route through four states and part of Canada.The case was escalated.Some poor eBay employee had to spend days reviewing evidence involving weather manipulation, raccoon politics, and a potentially self-aware exhaust component.Eventually I won the case.For about six minutes.Then the buyer appealed.His new evidence was a blurry photograph that could have been a muffler, a squirrel, or a baked potato.The dispute dragged on for months.By the end of the year I had accumulated:842 messages.19 case numbers.4 sworn statements.1 raccoon expert witness.And a lifelong fear of chrome-plated exhaust parts.Then, as suddenly as he appeared, the buyer vanished.I never heard from him again.To this day, whenever my phone makes the eBay notification sound late at night, I feel a sense of dread.Part of me still wonders if the muffler is out there somewhere.And if the rumors are true, a highly organized gang of raccoons is currently driving a 1978 pickup truck through the wilderness with the shiniest exhaust system ever installed on a vehicle.

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The curse of the chrome muffler | Selling | eBay Community