Seller didn't give me an item
I paid for an item from a seller and I tried to pick it up, but the seller refused to give it to me. I tried to cancel it, but the seller rejected my cancelation. What can I do about this?
69 comments
I paid for an item from a seller and I tried to pick it up, but the seller refused to give it to me. I tried to cancel it, but the seller rejected my cancelation. What can I do about this?
gurlcat
·1 year agoI sure hope the OP @mkfanatic7 hasn't become so discouraged by all the shaming of choices he can't undo that he never comes back to update the outcome of this transaction. Some of us invested a lot of time into trying to help him on what steps to take .... and I realize telling someone what they did wrong can be a form of advising too (for future reference), but some of these replies have looked more like cheap social media virtue signaling to me.
And if he never tells us the outcome of his INR, then none of us will have learned a thing about INR's in the context of in-person Pick Up orders. That was the main reason (besides helping the OP) that I got interested in this transaction.
momtoabeautifuldaughter
·1 year agoI have never done a local pickup and don't even know how they work. Since you have to get some code or something scanned and the buyer didn't get that scanned could the seller simply say the buyer didn't come to get it since it seems all their correspondence took place through text messages and not eBay messages?
albertabrightalberta
·1 year agoBut the QR code wasn't scanned and that's the only way the seller can prove delivery of a local pickup item.
So if the buyer/OP files INR, the seller has to issue the refund. The seller cannot keep the money and the item.
momtoabeautifuldaughter
·1 year agoSorry I missed the part earlier where the buyer said they had already paid...my mistake. Like I said I know nothing about local pickup so I always assumed you paid when you picked item up.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoThat text was totally taken out of context and to the extreme. I didn't mean it the way he took it. Besides that, text are meant to be responded to at the receivers convenience. That's how texting typically works. I was just letting him know I was there early and I would like to pick the item up early if possible. "Normal" is subjective. He was being unreasonable and inflexible. Regardless of all of that, you can't withold an item that was paid for (especially without reimbursement). That's called larceny and it's illegal.
campanaelia
·1 year agoI agree, when I'm sleeping I put my phone on silent mode. I receive many text at night when I'm sleeping, I simply read them at my convenience. And if I text someone in the wee hours I don't expect an immediate response. That's no excuse to treat you this way, the seller is totally wrong in this case.
gurlcat
·1 year agoLOL society needs to come to a consensus on these things. I'm a 1973 middle-Gen X model, and my understanding my whole life was that 10 PM was the standard cut-off for phone calls, but then phones morphed into a Swiss Army knife tool of communication and more. -Notably, a lot of people don't even own an alarm clock anymore because you can use your phone as one (I held on until my last alarm clock died, then began using my phone as a "temporary" substitute, and that was probably 2 years ago, LOL). What makes this important is, it means no more leaving my phone in the living room when I go to bed. So any sound it makes might wake me up.
Nowadays tons of people text to say they've arrived at someone's house instead of knocking on the door, text instead of calling, or if they do want to call, text first to ask if it's an okay time to call (I actually kinda like that one). But yeah, there are a LOT of people who disagree with you and the OP, about texting being a "can wait til later" form of communication. They've transitioned so far away from phone calls they even prefer texts for emergencies and keep their volume up all night for that. And it's not even a generational thing; my aunt is in her late 60's and is way more wedded to "smart phone culture" than I am.
Check this out: A few years ago I emailed my kid's teacher to ask about something, at about 1:00 AM (I'm a natural night owl, so I'm just approaching peak task mode when most people are winding down). This teacher fired back (paraphrasing) "Could it seriously not wait until morning? What were you thinking, asking me at this time? I have to be up at 5:30!!!!"
And yes you read right; it was an EMAIL I sent her! Mind you, I'm a former teacher myself so I know how high the expectations are for responding to parental concerns (think of the school Principal as eBay, and parents as buyers, basically). But there's no danm way I would ever enable audio notifications for friggin emails, as a teacher OR an eBay seller, come on man!
EDIT: @mkfanatic7 Come to think of it, what you should have done is email the seller when you arrived at his town, because he probably doesn't have audio notifications for that. I know, what's done is done, but for future reference since you're a night person too, you should generally not text people in the middle of the night unless it's someone you know is okay with that.
glorybells
·1 year agoI don’t think there can be generalizations made about when a stranger might be awake or not bothered by contact outside of “normal†hours. I happen to work early, so I’m getting ready for bed soon, I get up by 5:30 on Fridays. I can’t put my phone on silent because it’s my alarm.clock, and if it makes a sound preceding that, my cat Holly is going to be waking me up, because she knows that a sound from it (as the alarm) is the signal for me to get up and get her breakfast. I would be annoyed to get woken up an hour before I need to be. Also, the last time I received a text before 5:00am was because my house was on fire (I wasn’t there at the time). My ex-husband works third shift, but he doesn’t contact people when he’s at work unless they contact him first. If I need to contact him, I try around 7:00pm. I happen to know that my best friend goes to bed at 8:00pm, so I never contact her after that.
HOWEVER, the seller strikes me as being tired, cranky, and frustrated. I think their annoyance boiled over in the reaction to the OP. I don’t find the seller to be scammy, but rather extremely annoyed. It makes me wonder if their annoyance has led them to stretching out refunding the buyer as a sort of revenge retaliation (the “they annnoyed me, so I’m going to annoy them right back†move)
gurlcat
·1 year agoIf you switch your phone to silent mode (the little switch on the side of the case/body) it silences everything EXCEPT the alarm clock. 😃 I just found that out a few months ago and even tested it (had a friend call and text me -no noises, but the alarm clock was still loud as ever!).
Oh I think it's perfectly clear that seller purposely stalled on the refund as retaliation, in addition to refusing to deliver the item (at ANY time), saying he was going to destroy it, and making fun of the buyer's long drive for nothing, and calling him names. And now he has an abusive seller report on his record and an INR defect on his account.
albertabrightalberta
·1 year agoNot everyone can put their phones on silent at night. Some people have elderly or sick relatives and need to have their phones on 24/7 in the event of an emergency. Recently my son's wife called me at 3 am because my diabetic son had an insulin reaction (low blood sugar), was unconscious and she couldn't wake him and they needed us to come watch the kids while she went to the hospital.
This is the type of event that middle-of-the-night phone calls and texts imply and to see one at 4 am saying "I'm here 8 hours early to pick up my widget that you sold on ebay," while there's relief that it's not a family or medical emergency there's anger that they were awakened.
campanaelia
·1 year agoThat's what my house phone is for. My family uses that line in case of emergency.
I sell on FB marketplace and get text all through the night from people and I respond when I wake up. Probably close to half my sales are from text in the wee hours. Some are even repeat customers who know my routine and that I'll respond in the morning. IMO there is no excuse for a seller to act this way, especially knowing the buyer had to drive for 9 hours each way.
gurlcat
·1 year agoFor the record I don't think anyone is "excusing" the seller acting this way.
Two things can be true at the same time.
It was inconsiderate of the OP to text at 4 AM about changing his mind on the agreed meeting time. Most people don't even have a landline phone anymore -come on, you know that. And many people may not sleep as deeply as you, nor be able to get back to sleep after they are awakened.
But it also was utterly overboard for the seller to react the way he did. And every seller represents all sellers in some buyers' eyes. -I don't want people to avoid buying from me because they fear treatment like THAT. So not only does the OP deserve his money back; that seller deserves defects and hopefully some bad karma.
campanaelia
·1 year agoIn the last 20 years I've had residences in 6 different states, from the east coast to the west coast, and my ISP'ers always included a landline with the router. I never even saw internet service that doesn't include it. So I guess I didn't "know that" It's actually news to me.
gurlcat
·1 year agoThe dropoff has been really fast. In 2004, 90% of households still had landlines, but now it's down to around 25%.
christworks
·1 year agoWhat rulebook is it written in that texting works as you say it does? Give me a break, dude. Your seller was not expecting a text message in the middle of the night, and the fact you cannot see how rude that is of you is starting to make me think there is more going on here.
Your arrogance is staggering to me. You say your seller was being "unreasonable and inflexible." Your seller gave you three times to pick from. YOU picked the latest timeframe. How is that not being flexible? You have no idea what he had going on. Some people might think you are trying to pull a fast one by making them feel obligated to meet you at 7am, for example.
The seller gave you the choice and you made it. You needed to have stuck to that. You could have waited until a more reasonable hour (e.g. 9am) to send a message. Or, better yet, just pull over and sleep. You don't need to be out on the road for 18+ hours without sleep.
gurlcat
·1 year ago@mkfanatic7 What is the status on the INR case?
momtoabeautifuldaughter
·1 year agoIf someone texted me that early I'd be a little ticked too.
You said 4:15- 6 p.m. so I would have been planning on those times to meet, you then text at 4:41 a.m. and want to change the plans...I'm sure if you had said the before 7:15 a.m. time when it was originally planned you would have got your part because the seller would have been prepared. Instead you message at a time when most people are sleeping and want to change the time that YOU picked. Not all of us work 3rd shift...I worked 16 hour shifts 7a-3p and then 3p-11p and had a 45 minutes drive home. If someone would have messaged me that early I would have been upset too. You should have waited until at least a normal time to text someone.
And the "I do...LOL" that didn't help your case at all.
gurlcat
·1 year agoTo me it looked like the "I do" was the seller's trigger, though it was on top of being awakened in the middle of the night, so I get why he might have felt disrespected and disregarded. BUT he WAYYYYY overreacted, like some Type A personality narcissist hot-head. Like "I'll show YOU disrespect!" to the extent of name-calling, belittling, dismissing the insane amount of effort and expense the OP had put into retrieving his item ..... and then not even cancelling and refunding the money (which he said he would).
I'm not gonna lie, after reading the OP's text exchange, I do get why the seller was ticked off. It even reminded me of a time years ago. when I had a buyer get real lippy and 'entitled' acting with me, and I retaliated in a way that worked out so sweetly I'm still proud of it to this day. But what THIS seller did made what I did look like a mere eye-roll.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoI would have been wiling to wait. In fact, he agreed to noon after I texted him that early. I still would have waited for the initial agreed upon time. I was early, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to see if he would let me get it early. There's nothing wrong with that. If he had said no, we agreed upon 4 p.m., I would have said okay and got a hotel room for longer. Then he changed his mind entirely and refused to give me the part I paid for. I reported him and he responded to it by saying the part is awaiting pickup and that I should drive back to get it. I think not. That is completely asinine.
christworks
·1 year agoAt a minimum there was a big communication error here and, I'm sorry to say, but I think it was on your part.
You stated that the seller gave you three time options. You selected the latest. Although if I were the seller, I may have been more flexible, that's me. Your seller's flexibility was to the extent that he gave you three times to pick from. You picked the latest because you were not certain how long it would take you to drive. You obviously knew it would take you nine hours. I could see there being some take or give by an hour either way. But you were apparently many hours early because on the fly you decided to drive all the way. That's a choice you made.
Before you left you needed to have decided one way or the other: Were you driving all the way or were you going to stop and spend the night. Then, you should have clearly communicated that to the seller at some time other than 4am. I don't care that it was a text. You picked the time. You choose to travel that far without a good travel plan. You chose to drive all the way without stopping for the night, which would have made the most sense. The fact you arrived early is not the fault of the seller. That is on you.
Was it at 4am that he told you to go home? I mean, honestly, if I got woke up at that time of the morning I'd be upset as well. You may work 3rd shift. Your seller may have worked 2nd shift and just got to bed at 1am and maybe they have to get up at 7. I don't know. My point is texting at that hour no doubt sent him a bad vibe and he may have realized he did not want deal with you in person. I won't fault him there.
He needs to refund your money. Refusing to do that is on him. Hopefully eBay can get your money back. Next time you are doing an in-person pickup and are driving some distance, communicate clearly with your seller what your plans are before you leave, and make sure you ask them if it is okay if you reach out should you arrive early. Then, set up the time boundaries that the seller is good with you texting or calling.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoI reported the seller and I'm trying to get a refund.
gurlcat
·1 year agoExxxxxcellent.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoAs a 3rd shifter, it's normal for me. I left around 6:30 p.m. and arrived around 4:30 a.m. That's why I texted and didn't call. I didn't expect an immediate response but one of the times he stated was before 7:15 a.m. so I figured he would respond whenever he woke up. But as you can see, he said he could no longer do that time, so he said 12 noon instead. I agreed to wait for that and rented a hotel to get a few hours of sleep.
gurlcat
·1 year ago@mkfanatic7 The clock I'm looking at NOW says it's been almost 24 hours since you started this thread. What have you (or the seller) done since then, in relation to this transaction?
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoI uploaded the screenshots to my Facebook page. Judge for yourselves.
https://www.facebook.com/share/16juQnjfsz/
You can see he said he was canceling the order, which he never did. I tried canceling it, but he rejected the cancelation.
gurlcat
·1 year agoHave you done the abusive seller report and INR yet?
albertabrightalberta
·1 year agoOMG! You didn't tell us that you texted the seller at 4:41 am!
I wouldn't be happy about that either!
This doesn't mean that the seller was a jerk and shouldn't have canceled the sale but getting a call or text at that hour can scare the daylights out of people. It usually means something terrible happened to a loved one.
aeparts1
·1 year ago"I discussed with the seller about picking it up on Tuesday. He gave me three time options and I chose the latest one because I wasn't sure how long it was going to take me to arrive. I was thinking about driving halfway and getting a hotel then driving the rest of the way but I powered through and ended up driving the whole way in one go. Since I arrived early, I asked him if I could pick it up at the earliest timing he had told me. That's when he started giving me problems."
You should have cooled you heels & picked it up at the pre arranged time, & not expected the seller to drop everything to accommodate your change in plans. How much did you want to change the pickup time? An hour? 4 hours? 12 hours?
I can see the seller's side in this.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoI would have been willing to do that, but he didn't even give me that option. He ultimately made the decision that he just wasn't going to give me the item and told me to leave.
12345jamesstamps
·1 year agoSeller probably read 'feedbacks to others' and who those sellers were.
I think we are only hearing part of the story...no offense.
gurlcat
·1 year agoThat thought has crossed my mind, but even if the OP was an all-out turd and not telling us about it, the fact remains that the seller refused to cancel the sale upon request, and presently has the OP's money for nothing. Plus if they called him a clown, threatened to destroy the part, and made fun of his wasted drive, that's not how a good seller would handle even the worst buyer.
christworks
·1 year agoCould be, and may be the seller's way of "getting back" on behalf of other sellers. Those negative appear to be quite old, and two of those sellers are no longer registered. The OP does some decent buying on here, so maybe they only leave feedback when there is a genuine issue. I take the OP at their word.
albertabrightalberta
·1 year agoI did see that yesterday but based on the OP's experience, it doesn't seem like the OP is the problem in this case. (But as a seller, I would have blocked after seeing the feedback left.)
gurlcat
·1 year ago@mkfanatic7 So now that makes 4 of us who agree you should report the seller's abusive behavior before filing the Item Not Received case. Follow the screenshots I provided in message #16^ . Be sure to give ALL the abusive details in that text box, how he called you names, refused to meet you, threatened to destroy the part, and told you to "enjoy" the drive home.
Then immediately file the INR. I hope the 'QR' code thing is self-explanatory, like I said I've never done a local pickup sale or purchase.
I only wish there was a way for you to get your $300 back for the wasted trip. This is a really frustrating story. But please keep us updated okay?
gurlcat
·1 year ago@soh.maryl @jonathanbrightlight From the OP's replies, this was apparently a vehicle PART, one that the seller could pull and bring to a supermarket parking lot (so not something huge like an engine or transmission). As to it being worth driving 18 hours for, I have no clue but my guess is we're not talking about a Honda Accord or something, LOL. My ex was a Volkswagon enthusiast and I witnessed him go through some extraordinary hoops (including long drives to faraway towns) to get parts for his minibus and his Karmann Ghia. I suspect the seller's text about the "junker" car was his own one that he was parting out, not the OP's car, but who knows.
@albertabrightalberta OP said messaging started out via the eBay message system (probably making the arrangements) but then went over to private texting, which is where the seller got abusive/evasive. OP said they got screenshots of everything, but I don't see any way to attach files to an abusive behavior report. Still, better to have them and not need them, than need them and not have them.
buyselljack2016
·1 year agoI drove to Ohio to pick up a vintage car engine in a parking lot 🤣
5-6 hours each way.
Not an eBay transaction.
christworks
·1 year agoYou say that you understand why he feels like you didn't communicate well about your itinerary. Can you elaborate?
I'm not really sure what business the details of your itinerary would matter anyway. A long time ago I sold several cars on here and all my buyers came from out of town. I don't think any were 9 hours away, but still, I worked with them because I knew they were coming from a distance. From what I recall we set up a tentative time but I remained flexible in case they were early or late or got flat tire. Stuff happens. I had them call me when they were about 60 miles out, just to give me time to wrap up whatever I had going on at the time. It didn't matter to me if they drove halfway one day, and the rest of the way the next day. I don't understand being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk.
I agree 100% with @gurlcat that you should report the buyer first before you open a claim. The reason why I think this is the better approach is that a customer service rep also advised me to do that when a buyer abused the return policy. Then, once I reported the abuse, I was to issue the refund. They said once I did that, they would refund me what I had refunded the buyer along with the shipping label I had sent them to return the item. A few days later that's exactly what eBay did, and when the buyer appealed his partial refund, they denied it. When he left negative feedback, they removed it.
Recently I had a buyer lie in their feedback. I first reported the buyer for abuse of the feedback system, then I filed the appeal to have the feedback either edited or removed. eBay removed all of it. But, last fall when a buyer abused the feedback system, I simply appealed the negative feedback and eBay would not remove it. I think if I had known to report the buyer first, the feedback would have come down.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoI made versions of the screenshots that protect his identity and phone number that I can post online to show our interactions.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoWe were talking through ebay messaging, but he gave me his number, so we started talking over text. The crazy things he said were over text. I have screenshots that I can show. He felt like I didn't communicate enough about my itinerary, which I understand a little bit, but he just took things way too far and wasn't willing to work with me.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoAbsolutely, he was acting like a major jerk and wouldn't work with me at all. He called me a clown multiple times. I spent around $300 in gas and for the hotel for absolutely no reason. A 9 hour drive is no joke. Then I had to drive 9 hours again just to go home empty handed. I only managed to sleep for 2 hours because the whole situation p*ssed me off. I was unbelievably tired.
albertabrightalberta
·1 year agoHe sounds like a jerk! I'm so sorry.
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoHere is a quote of what he said he was going to do with the item:
"Guy, its an old junk car anyway
Stick around town, your part will be busted up and in a local dumpster around 12noon"
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoYes, I paid for it online and I received a QR code. I discussed with the seller about picking it up on Tuesday. He gave me three time options and I chose the latest one because I wasn't sure how long it was going to take me to arrive. I was thinking about driving halfway and getting a hotel then driving the rest of the way but I powered through and ended up driving the whole way in one go. Since I arrived early, I asked him if I could pick it up at the earliest timing he had told me. That's when he started giving me problems.
gurlcat
·1 year agoWhat do you mean they refused to give it to you? Did you have an arranged location to meet? Did you see the item? Did they hold it over your head where you couldn't reach it? Did they say WHY they wouldn't give it to you?
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoWe were supposed to meet up. I drove 9 hours to pick it up. I texted him that I was there and he refused to meet with me so I could get my item and told me to go home.
gurlcat
·1 year agoThank you for clarifying. WOW that is pretty messed up. I'm not terribly familiar with local pickup policies, but hopefully someone who knows more about it will come and give good advice.
I know one thing: Be sure to screenshot all the texts from him!!!
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoOh, believe me, I did. After driving 9 hours to pick it up, he told me to "have fun driving home." He made some bull crap assumptions about me and said he was gonna cancel the order, which he never did. So I canceled it and then he rejected the cancelation.
gurlcat
·1 year agoI have to admit I'm curious what bull crap assumptions he made. Feel like sharing?
As for help, most of the Community has already gone to beddy-bye (this is a very Senior Citizen-skewed bunch ðŸ˜). But replies will surely start coming in around 6 or 7 AM. -If you fall off of page 1, do a 'bump.'
mkfanatic7
OP1 year agoQuote of what he said:
"This is exactly why i give the supermarket addresss you are probably napping on the side of the road like a vagrant."
Since he denied the earliest time, he initially said he would meet me at noon. It was currently 6 a.m. so I told him I was going to get a little bit of sleep. He made the above assumption. I had actually booked a hotel room from 7 a.m. to noon so I could get a little sleep before picking up my part and driving back home.
gurlcat
·1 year agoAnd so what if you were resting in your car after driving 9 hours? -what the heck does that have to do with anything?!! What an absolute weirdo, honestly sounds unhinged to me.
@albertabrightalberta This is abuse. I think this seller should be reported to eBay (in addition to the well-deserved neg). In all my experiences I was instructed to do the report (of bad buyer or bad seller) BEFORE any kind of case filing. Can you think of any reason why the OP shouldn't do that before filing this INR? -From what CSR's (both social media and good phone CSR's) have told me, it's best to have abusive behavior reports already in place, in case the decision phase of whatever case type goes over to humans.
@mkfanatic7 Don't act on this just yet; see if anyone agrees with me first. But here I think is the pathway to take for reporting this freak. I was tempted to suggest the 'Seller sent threatening or abusive messages' for the 3rd screen, but there's no way to upload files and his messages weren't through ebay's messaging system (or were they?).
Yes, you may notice other options that sound right, like "You want to cancel a purchase" -but that is what filing the INR will accomplish. This other report should be about this seller's behavior, how he agreed to meet you and you drove for 9 hours, then he refused to meet, made abusive remarks and threatened to destroy the item you paid for. eBay NEEDS to be aware of stuff like this.
chapeau-noir
·1 year agoThen there are time zones and such.
soh.maryl
·1 year agoPersonally, I am curious about what this item was that someone was eager to drive that far to get it?
Oops -- this was a motor vehicle? If so, check out the rules for buying those on eBay.
PS: So you were going to tow it back to your home?
This gets stranger and stranger.
christworks
·1 year agoSpeak for yourself. 😠I'll claim my 45. 😃
gurlcat
·1 year agoYeah and you didn't go to bed at 9, did you?
soh.maryl
·1 year agoAnd I will claim my 92 years, thank you very much.
kathiec
·1 year agoExcuse me??? I'm 72 and rarely go to bed before 1:30 am or get up before 9:30 am. Generalizing people based on age, or anything else for that matter, is just plain old tacky. Oh, and if you're about to say "then why did you just see this, neener neener" it's because I had surgery yesterday. So hopefully I get a pass this time.
gurlcat
·1 year agoI wonder if you don't know what the word "skewed" means. -That's okay; I don't know what "neener neener" means. But "skewed" means "leaning more toward" or dare I say "generally." As in, there are a lot of senior citizens in the Community, and senior citizens generally go to bed early. It is an absolutely true generalization and not even a derogatory one, so I cannot imagine why you took so much offense.
That said, I am not plain old tacky. -I'm 51. So still kinda young tacky.
albertabrightalberta
·1 year agoDid you pay online? Or were you going to pay cash in person?
gurlcat
·1 year agoFirst line of the OP^ says "I paid for an item..." so must have been online.
albertabrightalberta
·1 year ago@gurlcat Thanks! I missed that.
@mkfanatic7
Open an INR (item not received) claim.
If the item was listed with shipping, there should be an estimated delivery date (EDD). If that date has passed and the seller doesn't have tracking showing delivery, you'll be able to escalate the claim on day 4 after opening the claim. Ebay will issue your refund.
If the item was listed as local pickup, you would have received a QR code for the seller to scan. Since the seller refused to meet and hand over the item, the QR code wasn't scanned and you should get the refund.
ETA: If this seller allowed you to travel 9 hours then stood you up, I can't blame you for being royally ticked! Once you get your refund, you can leave a factual (non-emotional, no name calling) appropriate feedback for the seller. Don't leave feedback until the case is over and you've been reimbursed.