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Community Member
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎03-17-2003

I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

Hello Everyone,

We live in a town in California that has about 160k residents. There is a smaller town of about 15,000 residents about 15 miles from here that I'd love to live in. Truth be told, I'd LOVE to just ditch CA all together, but that aint happenin so I'm trying to bloom where I'm planted.

The hard part is convincing my husband to make the move. We are in a pretty good place financially compared with a lot of others around us even tho we don't make a lot of money. We were able to pull 80k from our current home for a down payment. We plan on keeping this house as a rental for income later in life. Our payment here is $1140 a month and we could rent it for at least $1950 a month so should be enough to more than cover the payment on the down.

My husband balks at the longer commute (he always says it's going to be at least and hour and fifteen minutes when it's probably going to be more like 45). He is also leery of the extra work that owning acreage will be. Is it really THAT much more work to have 2-3 acres as opposed to .25? I tell him the amount of work is up to us and what we plant.

Another thing - inventory in our price range is very low and after two years of looking and being outbid on the few houses that met our criteria I'm getting frustrated. Over the weekend I told him we should try exploring new options like a manufactured home or a modular home. Does anyone here know of (or live in) anyone who has a home like these? He told me he is "not interested" in either option and I told him he doesn't know enough about them to form an educated opinion.
I need some ammo to convince him that these might be worth looking in to. If anyone out there can tell me what they know about them that would be great.

I am to the point where getting out of the city is no longer just a "want" but a necessity. With all the weirdness going on and how much worse it is supposed to get, I am really, really fearing for our safety and quality of life. I want to get out where I can be with my horse, raise chickens and garden. I think that we are approaching depression era times and being able to grow my own groceries would sure take a lot off my mind. I grew up in the boonies and I want my two kids (7 and 9) to be able to do things country kids do....so if you have anything I might say to make my case stronger I'd sure appreciate it. :smileyhappy:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you can't feed 'em - don't breed 'em!
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Community Member
Posts: 60
Registered: ‎03-31-2007

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
I would much rather live in the country vs city, I've lived in Albuq, Tucson, and El Paso, and living in a county that has maybe 25K residents is great. It's small enough that my kids are afraid to do anything because someone will call us to rat on the kids. We have 35 acres of desert, 10 acres are for the horses, showsteers, poultry and we live on about an acre of that. Having the kids involved in 4-H and FFA, yours are old enough to enroll in 4-H, teaches them responsibility for their animals and then they reap the rewards after the fair. I would recommend a tractor, it cuts alot of the work, ie arena grooming, scraping out pens, hauling feed out. As for the commute I don't know really what to say, once my husband rode my horse to work, took about 45 mins for that ride.

I also like how dark it is at night, the stars are beautiful. Listening to the coyotes howl and my dogs join them.

With modular/manufacture homes being built today they are a big difference from 20-30 yrs ago. Many are taped and textured walls and from the inside you would think it could have been a site built home. One thing I do recommend is do a ground set with a manufactured home. I wish I did it with mine, it was cost for us back then. I'm currently looking at Solitaire Homes to put onto one of our 5 acres to rent out. I could do a land/home package which would cover well drilling, power to the location, septic.

Hope this gives you some info
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noahiam
Community Member
Posts: 4,892
Registered: ‎10-22-2005

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
Let him know the pride of fixing up around your own place is a good thing. Less people in a town is less stress, maybe friendly and better relationships, & is just plain more fun. He'll love it! We live out in the country, not a town and I wouldn't live anywhere else. It's ours and as I said, there's a certain pride in that.
Only when the last tree has been cut down
Only when the last river has been poisoned
Only after the last fish has been caught
Only then will you find money cannot be eaten
~~ Cree Prophecy ~~
......................................................
Hate is like burning down a house to kill the fleas. Not worth it!!
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noahiam
Community Member
Posts: 4,892
Registered: ‎10-22-2005

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
Plus this move would give you guys more money when you rent the old place.
Only when the last tree has been cut down
Only when the last river has been poisoned
Only after the last fish has been caught
Only then will you find money cannot be eaten
~~ Cree Prophecy ~~
......................................................
Hate is like burning down a house to kill the fleas. Not worth it!!
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noahiam
Community Member
Posts: 4,892
Registered: ‎10-22-2005

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
So how's it going with convincing the Hubby? Hope you can. Sometimes a change like that is very good.
Only when the last tree has been cut down
Only when the last river has been poisoned
Only after the last fish has been caught
Only then will you find money cannot be eaten
~~ Cree Prophecy ~~
......................................................
Hate is like burning down a house to kill the fleas. Not worth it!!
Please use plain text.
Community Member
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎03-17-2003

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
Hi Everyone! Thanks for the replies. For some reason Im not getting the eMail digest.

No luck yet getting him any further on the manufactured home thing. A new listing came up today in "my" town that is a modular home. You'd never know the difference by the picture. I'm going out to look at it tomorrow. Should be interesting since I don't think I've ever been in one. If I have - I didn't know it! :smileyhappy:

I miss the country. For part of my childhood, I lived in a town called Rimrock. I don't even know if you could call it a town. It was right next to another "town" called Pioneertown. This is in the high desert in California. They used to make a lot of Tom Mix films there and the very first bowling alley ever is also there. Roy Rogers used to bowl there sometimes. It's an odd little place, but I feel lucky for having lived there. :smileyhappy:

When I lived there, I was a teen in the mid 80's. I loved the house and the land, but I felt "trapped" at times. Now I'd do just about anything to be able to live there again. It's never the same tho. We drove up there on New Years day in 2009. I saw my old house and the 5 acres we had looked to be cut in half and the rock wall around the property was falling down. There were a ffew more houses up there than last time too, but for the most part - still the same....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you can't feed 'em - don't breed 'em!
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noahiam
Community Member
Posts: 4,892
Registered: ‎10-22-2005

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
Well I guess you're stuck doing what your Hubby wants. Mine took to the idea pretty quickly but when it came time to sign the papers it took awhile. We {reality lady & I} sit there waiting & waiting. Finally he signed and the place was ours. We are in what some people call the middle of no-where. It's a piece of corner property with an easement line behind us. So nobody can EVER build around us. Nice!

Keep us updated on what happens with you guys. Don't count on ebay digest. I heard it doesn't work.
Only when the last tree has been cut down
Only when the last river has been poisoned
Only after the last fish has been caught
Only then will you find money cannot be eaten
~~ Cree Prophecy ~~
......................................................
Hate is like burning down a house to kill the fleas. Not worth it!!
Please use plain text.
iwant4less
Community Member
Posts: 43
Registered: ‎02-04-2008

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
OP

In 1999, hubby and I ditched city life and moved to the country...in california no less...moved from southern cal to the sierra foothills..now have 7 acres vs a small yard that measured 25 x 35.

House we bought came with a riding lawnmower...lol...since then we have done a lot to improve the place...adding a barn and now have cattle/chickens/rabbits/pheasant etc...you can do what you want on your land (if you don't have a HOA). We put in a bass pond and a few other things that we always wanted.

We moved to get our kids out of southern california..you couldn't pay me enough money to move back down. I am only a 20 min. drive to the city..granted I have to go down a ravine cross a river and back up the other side. I'm right at the snow level...get just enough a few time a year for the kids to play in..but never enough that I have to shovel my way out.

2 of the kids "flew the coup", but come back just about every weekend and both are looking to buy a place in the country.

Hubby has to drive more miles than before, but it takes less time.

For quality of life...you CAN'T beat the country!
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noahiam
Community Member
Posts: 4,892
Registered: ‎10-22-2005

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
So how's it going. Did you look at the other place?
Only when the last tree has been cut down
Only when the last river has been poisoned
Only after the last fish has been caught
Only then will you find money cannot be eaten
~~ Cree Prophecy ~~
......................................................
Hate is like burning down a house to kill the fleas. Not worth it!!
Please use plain text.
secauteur
Community Member
Posts: 166
Registered: ‎11-14-2008

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
"My husband balks at the longer commute (he always says it's going to be at least and hour and fifteen minutes when it's probably going to be more like 45). He is also leery of the extra work that owning acreage will be. Is it really THAT much more work to have 2-3 acres as '...''

I loved all the answers, but I will have to support some of your husbands concerns. After adding 45 X 2 in commuting time -- an hour and a half to his day, he will also have to mow and do a lot more work to manage the acreage. Fence upkeep, watering, pruning the fruit trees etc. Property is a lot of work.

My questions would be, schools, hospitals, library ... old friends (also would be a 90 minute commute. I say this as a singleton who barely keeps up with a one acre property and who is considering moving from a 5,000 person town to about the same in another state. WA to Arkansas perhaps.
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noahiam
Community Member
Posts: 4,892
Registered: ‎10-22-2005

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
It might be some extra work but it becomes a labor of love. Now really considered that much work. But to each their own!
Only when the last tree has been cut down
Only when the last river has been poisoned
Only after the last fish has been caught
Only then will you find money cannot be eaten
~~ Cree Prophecy ~~
......................................................
Hate is like burning down a house to kill the fleas. Not worth it!!
Please use plain text.
Community Member
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎02-08-2011

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme

He is also leery of the extra work that owning acreage will be. Is it really THAT much more work to have 2-3 acres as opposed to .25?


In a word, yes. Been there/done that. You will want to invest in a HUGE mower (60" deck) and landscape around trees, buildings, etc. in such a sway as to minimize trimming. Even after all that plan to devote half a day a week to lawn care.

Over the weekend I told him we should try exploring new options like a manufactured home or a modular home. Does anyone here know of (or live in) anyone who has a home like these?


Quality on these homes varies. There are good ones and bad ones. Government regulations on these types of homes requires them to be very solid. The problem is even though from the curb you can't always tell them from a site-built home, you can tell the difference inside. If you plan to stay in one for a long time it will pay for itself, but the resale isn't great so don't go that route if you think you may move in a few years.

With all the weirdness going on and how much worse it is supposed to get, I am really, really fearing for our safety and quality of life. I want to get out where I can be with my horse, raise chickens and garden. I think that we are approaching depression era times and being able to grow my own groceries would sure take a lot off my mind. I grew up in the boonies and I want my two kids (7 and 9) to be able to do things country kids do....so if you have anything I might say to make my case stronger I'd sure appreciate it. :smileyhappy:


I live in a town of 32 people, in a county where the biggest town is 1,000 people, so to read these comments about moving to a town of 15,000 makes me chuckle. Nevertheless, I agree with what you're wanting to do.

BUT - I've been in your husband's shoes. Two years ago we left the Des Moines area where I had a stable job that provided a very good income and had unlimited potential for advancement. We were fast on our way to getting completely out of debt. With my next promotion we would have been in a position to semi-retire very early and live wherever we wanted and not have to struggle financially. Then my wife's folks got sick and we did the "right" thing and moved closer to home to help with the farm. I won't go into detail here but the bottom line is that it's been hard on me as the provider to deal with the new uncertainty.

I'm one who definitely loves the country life and think it's a way better place to raise the kids, but please give you hubby some slack! He's watching out for your future just as you are, only from a different perspective. You need to win him over with visions of what a great home your going to make for him and the family there in the country, and of quiet evenings on the deck, drinking iced tea,watching the kids play in the yard and listening to the crickets. If he likes to work on things sell him on the idea of having a place for a workshop where he can restore an antique car, tinker on lawnmowers, or refinish furniture!

Good luck, and let me know if I can help!
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Community Member
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎09-05-2009

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
From 160,000 to 15,000? Well, I guess that would be a change. Eleven years ago, my wife and I went from 20,000,000 (los angeles) to 200. That was a switch. I was raised near a town of 25 back in the 60s so it seemed feasible to me.

15,000 seems like a megalopolous to me. Forty miles away, there is a town of about 5,000.

Rural America has sure changed. So much crime and poverty. Not to pound on the politics, but it seems like the policies of the USDA are intended to depopulate rural America just as fast as possible.

Energy costs are horrible, way more than we paid in the city and I burn a lot of wood.

You can forget about emergency services- hours for an ambulance, the cops show up long after the crime, if at all. Fire? the volunteer fire department showed up once- they forgot to fill the tanker, so the neighbor's house just burned down.

I guess life in a town of 15,000 would have enough going for it that there would still be some of the baisic needs met.

Yeah, I meet bears, badgers, cougars, coyotes. Hawks sit on my fence and stare at me. I have a small snake that wandered in and stayed under a chest. I put a saucer of water for it and I guess it finds something to eat. It is a ribbon snake- like a garter. You take your "friends" where you find them here.

All in all I would look for a large lot in a town where I can garden and have some poultry. No more cattle, sheep or goats for me- way too much trouble.

The wife, followed in the steps of "Mrs. Hogwaller" (Oh Brother Where Art Thou?") and R-U-N-D off about four years ago. Been alone since, can't say as I like that much.

So, becareful what you wish for!
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Community Member
Posts: 45
Registered: ‎01-02-2003

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
Don't try to force your husband to bend to your wishes. You will not like what you get.

Just drop the subject. He knows what you want. In time he may come around to your way of thinking and think it was all his idea. Or, he may not.

Meantime, why not read the book I just finished....Farm City by Novella Carpenter. I got it cheap at alibris.com. It is also at half.com and other places. I alway compare prices on books at my fave book sites. She has an almost cult following for those who wish to farm and do not have a farm.

Novella lives in Oakland California and has an Urban Farm.....reallllly urban.

You might also like to read Possum Living, another city farm book.

Celise
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Community Member
Posts: 13
Registered: ‎09-23-2010

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
Where we live my husband has to drive 45-60 minutes each way to get to work and he says its no big deal. He is allowed Fridays off work in exchange for working longer hours Monday-Thursday.

1) possibly cheaper property tax
2) possibly less crime
3) possibly less laws if you move outside of city limits example: not having to mow the lawn as much since it would now be called "pasture"
4) quieter, less traffic
5) possibly better schools although I prefer homeschooling
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62_gt_hawk
Community Member
Posts: 139
Registered: ‎01-21-2003

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
Better drive around some. Country/rural living usually means low income and/or poorly educated neighbors. Unless, of course, you have tons of bucks to put up a 40 acre estate. Old, noisy POS vehicles, lots of barking dogs and dogs running loose, abondoned vehicles in yards along with appliances and general trash. And usually at least one wealthy individual in the area that thinks their wealth buys them the right to make the rules. Fire departments are long ways off, police are non-existent with very slow response times, except when called buy the wealthy person to complain about you. Septics fail, wells go bad or dry, when power is off, no water. Sounds great! Go for it. I did.
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leota
Community Member
Posts: 817
Registered: ‎06-19-2003

Re: I want to move to the country - how to convince my spouse?

in reply to skyforme
convincing hubby..wow. Believe me- you do sound (so sorry) but... unhappy.
I do for me, yes I did give in over the years to make kids/hubby/family happy but in the end I got out. On the edge of a sort of city and have been for 20 years- did try to move up by hubbys job but my heart is here.
at 15,00 people it is large enough to have privacy (not everyone knows what toothpaste you use!) but small enough that you can relax a bit.
Over the yrs. many couples start growing apart - if he is dead set against a move- you may not be able to offer anything to change his mind.
I am OLDer...get settled for yourself, if he loves you and this would make you happy he should go ahead and cave in...go along with what you need, not just what you want.
leota
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